Baby Names, Birthday Parties, The Pope and Heroin ODs

Fuuuckk I wanted to write this blog before I got my haircut so I could put in there “I bet this bitch fucks my shit up”
Every once in awhile it’s nice to call your shot
I’m sitting there stoned out of my mind
My wife happens to be sitting next to me getting her haircut as well
a bit sit-commy lol
But her haircut lady is fun
Mines like “What do you want me to do about your sideburns?” all snooty.
“I can just take care of them, you know…” I wanted to explain to her that it’s kind of a whole thing you know… the eyebrows… nose hairs… sideburns… i kinda take care of all that shit myself… I figured this bitch had to have heard this string of words a million times so I just kind of trailed off… and stared at her like… like its your move…
She just kind of shrugged her shoulders and put a comb to the side of my head and buzzed them right off…
after she did the first one, I think she realized she went shorter than she should have and she kind of cocked her head like “the fuck?” then she spun me around real quick so she could sync the other side before i was the wiser…
luckily for her i was so high I didn’t realize until like 8 minutes ago…

I’ll try to post a picture…

Ok I got a question?
Is it ok to go back and edit your blogs after you’ve posted them?
Like sometimes i’ll see someone comment on something and ill be like “wtf are they talking about” and then i’ll go back and read some crazy bullshit that I wrote… “then im like wtf was I talking about?”
And i’m like that shit can’t just be accessible to anyone at anytime
some fucking thought I had when I was hella high
like at some point i’m going to have to defend some idea in a family law court
I can see my wife printing them all out
actually i dont give a shit lol
just for the record everything i’ve ever posted here is “alleged”… by myself of course haha… i have such a bad memory, ya know? how do i know the shit i’m writing is accurate?
sure I recall taking acid and going to the movies
but how can i be sure that really happened
actually i think that blog somehow got deleted
but how do i know that recollection is accurate?
for all i know i’m fucking schizophrenic!!

soooooooooooooooo
anyway
i went out to a birthday party for a one year old
i figured there was a 10 percent chance that it could be enjoyable
it was a bunch of people from my wifes work
people i’ve never met before
i mean, i’m a bad mother fucker when it comes to having a good time
but fuuck, i havent really been posishing my social side
i figured i’d just wing it
i made my wife a little late because i insisted on smoking first lol

everyone seemed nice and wholesome
they had beer
that makes any 1 year old party instantly 2-3 better
they had a pool
that was nice because I always knew where Lincoln was

we sat outside
and shortly after we got there Sarahs other friend arrived
she brought all her kids and they all went in the pool too
there was a shit ton of kids there

before I knew it I had drank like 4-5 beers and I was feeling good haha
the birthday girl’s mom came up and was like
“Do you smoke weed?”
I was like “Why? Do I wreak??” haha
shes all “No, my husband smokes. i’ll tell him you smoke, you guys could go around front.”
I probably had the same look on my face as Lincoln did when she saw the pool haha

Its so fucking weird though
As soon as I saw her husband
I’m like “this guy looks like a brad… or bradley…”
He reminded me of Brad Nowell from Sublime
I have a habit of trying to guess people names lol
but he comes up and introduces himself
Fucking Chad!!
Still had the “ad” in there lol

There was also this big annoying looking dufus in the pool
I was trying to guess his name
Then I heard someone yell his name
Fucking Tommy!!
I mean, c’mon

You know i’m trying to think of a middle name of my child on the way
And the more I get to know about names
The more my fucking mind gets blown

I’m so forgetful
But in two separate places
maybe the bible was one of them lol
but they were talking about the importances of a name
One quote was something like “To have a great name is better than great riches”
Or something like that lol
They broke it down, if I understand correctly, the vibration that is your name defines who and what you are and what you’ll become
I mean
not like the only determining factor
But c’mon
If you name your kid Tommy
Hes probably going to be an annoying fucker

Sorry I got sidetracked
Anyway
This dude, Chad, ended up being a cool ass dude
We smoked all throughout the night
His wife was all pumped up because he found out I listen to podcasts
And he had never met someone who had apparently

You ready for the kicker?
They are moving in like two weeks down south
So we will probably never see them again lol

It was funny this girl, idk who she was or how she was related
I think a niece or something
But she was around our ages
All the adults, except for the grandparents and that crowd, were all like late 20s…

But like
Right away, as soon as I start talking to this girl
I instantly piss her off
Like a bunch of us are sitting at a table outside
And she says she wants a kid or something
I don’t say anything
And then she says she the name she wants to name her baby
fucking Regan Maverick

I couldn’t help but let out an audible gasp
Like gtfoh with your little hipster name
So I kind of gave her a hard time about it
Im like “wtf you gonna name your poor kid that for? you want him to be a f14 pilot from the 80s?”
and shes like “You are so mean!”

I told her, i’m all for naming your kid after a president
Fuck, I did it
But don’t do fucking Regan for chrissakes
Perhaps Taft?
hahaha
she didn’t think it was funny…

And then to make matters worse…

Oh wait, before I tell you what made matters worse
I have to tell you
This girl was like sooooo talkative
And the whole time she is telling my wife “OMG you are sooooo skinny! I cant believe how skinny you are!”
my wife whispered to me “I think this bitch is trying to get to you, but she is trying to butter me up first” haha
I was getting that vibe

I was like unintentionally flirting haha
I was really just taking an interest
But she was like
IDK
something about drugs got brought up
And shes like “I’ve been clean for… likkkke… 10 months” or something
But it sounds like a real milestone
So i’m like “ohh no… what happened?”

Turns out her exBF died of a heroin overdose
This little white girl had a ex who died
how fucking crazy
Ive done drugs my whole life and I don’t know anyone whos died
Well not of drugs
I know a few people who have died while on drugs
which i really feel is the best way to go
theirs were vehicular i think lol

But shes like “My bf died”
let me remind you i started drinking pretty heavily when I got there
You know, just your average self sabotaging behavior
So im like “Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhat? He fucking DIED? WHILE you were with him? Nooo way… that shit is awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome”
hahahahhahahaha
shes like WTF
Im like “nah, you took it wrong. Thats awesome that in your lifetime, YOU personally, your soul. You had that life experience, ya know? You got to date a junkie who died and now you can have that fucking ace in the sleeve anytime the conversation gets tired, just BAM!”
shes stares at my wife ands like “your husband doesn’t know how to act towards the grieving”
hahahaha
but then she followed me anytime I got up to smoke and my wife wasn’t around
she ended up drinking too much and I think left a little early
Fuuuuuuck
speaking of drinking too much

I used to drink LITERALLY every night from like age 20-24
so i’m thinking i still got it
I casually put down like 8 beers in the first 3 hours
I got a nice pace going
And then somewhere around hour 5 it hit me hahaha
But that is where my wife shines
she could see my right eye looking up
and my left kind of staring at my nose
hahaha
but it was a good time…

Oh
Remember how I talked about names for my first born boy????
Well we still like Cassius a lot
but trying to pick a middle name is nuts
I got a few ideas and I would love to hear everyones thoughts
Next to the names i’ll put his #, his soul urge, and his inner dream
btw im using http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp
and if it helps my last name has these letters “aaadlns”
idk why i don’t want to put my last name
its in my email address haha
is identity theft still a thing???

fuuuuckk

but anyway

Cassius Layne 11/22/7
Cassius Axel 5/22/1
Cassius Kaje 8/22/22
basically do I want my kid to be a lyn kid, an xl kid, or a kj kid
k has some wealth associated with it
so it might be nice to throw the kid a bone
I mean the real desire would to bring someone into the world who would be set up to succeed in some way
preferably with as many 22’s (master builder #) in it

ohhh and the last thing I wanted to talk about
wtf is up with the pope
crimes against humanity?
now im not trying to hate on the pope
you did what you do, whatever, own it
butttttt
can you imagine telling me a few years ago “michael, you see that pope? hes a monster!”
i’d be like “conspiracy theorist!”
hahahahaha
isnt it a crazy thought?
the POPE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!
no fucking way
what I want to know
does this get buried in a few generations??

like all those fucking pope jokes don’t make sense now
the point was putting the most unlikely fella at a bar hahaha
you, ghandi and the pope are making out behind the pulpit
you know what
that was unfair to gandhi
i shouldn’t have put him there
hahahaha

you know what’s funny
ok im hella high of course
but i was just thinking like how easy it is to access someones projector
like you can literally put someone somewhere mentally with just your words
like a fucking insurance salesman could come up to you and be like “how would you feel if in a time of mourning” imagine him with like an emotionless face “if you were stuck with crippling funeral debt?”
or some religious fella could come up to you and be like “how would you feel if you walked up to the pearly gates, that are very much real i might add” like his interpretation of what heaven is, is spot on “and old Saint Peter Next’d you, you’d be sad wouldn’t you?”
I like when people ask questions where they’ve never even contemplated someone wiggling out of their airtight trick questions.
Some old man with bad breath has his hand on your knee like “Listen now fella! Do you want to have your eternal soul burning in lava like conditions? DO YA?”
People who put you in fucked up scenarios are not your friends.
“You’re standing there about to get your dick cut off, do you A)?-”
Its like “WTF man, I don’t want to think about me getting my dick cut off. You can’t just blindside me with some hypothetical where am I a super uncomfortable.”
“your step mom comes on to you, do you A) bang the bejesus out of her and then kill her to hide the evidence, or B) bang the bejesus out of her and then kill your own dad to get him out of the picture?”
now you’re put in that awkward situation where you’re like “fuck dad, dude, what hes just gonna grow old and keep all his own money? new mommy and I are fucked? bulllllshit…” hahaha
Or like every time there is a natural disaster someone is like “how would you feel if you were in a tornado?”
Yeah dude, I feel like shit, those were all my homies
but
buttttttt
I just don’t think the fucking red cross is gonna help you know?
Its like when people want to get you to sign some save the rainforest bill
its not so the rainforest can be saved
its so THEY can save the rainforest
so THEY can become the channel where all the donations are divided lol
or like some guy whos trying to sell you the apocalypse
thats how they get you
somewhere along the line
people realized protection is very important
so important that people would pay big
so if you protect people you are good? YES!
but wait
if you have nothing to protect someone from
but you’ve remembered that they gobble up fear
and just line up to pay that bill so they can sleep at night
you’ve got a plan
we can sell them on OUR fear
we can even make up our own enemy
its really like an episode of GI Joes
Like who are we fighting this week?

Its like fucking clockwork folks!
Cant every single insecurity be somehow bought off????????
if you’re afraid of hell, well have i got the book for you
if you’re afraid of war, well have i got the campaign fund for you
if you’re afraid of being ugly, well have i got the cream for you
if you’re afraid of being fat, i’ve got a pill for you, you dont even have to stop eating the foods you love!!!!!!!

Its like when people come up to you, and they always have bad news
or hater news
they’ll be like “dude, did you hear about so and so, fucking pregnant again dog! that dumb bitch man, wtf man.”
like why the fuck are you allowed to just come up to me and dump negativity all over the place?
you are NEGGING me
I feel like i’m getting picked up at a bar
you just can’t say something nice?
you can’t walk up to me “OMG this fucking sky is beautiful right now, isn’t it? AMAZING!”
You gotta be like “you see that bitch voice crack on idol?”
hahahaha
can’t you just come from a position where you care for the sake of humanity?
like, oh shit, amanda bynes seems to be on some sort of spiral
that poor fucking thing
she needs a hug
no, we gotta get the new US weekly to see the new nose
but for reals, fucking madden is running ads in the ticker, going on like day 3
about bieber driving too fast in his gated community
in MADDEN!
A FOOTBALL GAME!
listen, if I ever gave a shit about the biebs, it would have been when he was like 11 with that astronaut helmet haircut
not when the 5’2 dancer breaks a traffic law
and gets a stern warning from a nfl has been
not even a fucking citizens arrest
but that shit is in tear down mode
another sacrificial lamb
i’ve actually been warning my wife about his impending demolishment by the media for years now
its probably going to get worse
but wtf was i saying?
ooh yeah
don’t you hate when when people want to act like life is one big fork in the road
and its always going to either be right or left
they can’t even comprehend another way

Like I was watching some documentary about Texas HS Textbooks
And i’m watching both sides argue
Ones like, Science can’t prove the existence of God
And the others like “OUR FOUNDERS FOUNDED THIS COUNTRY WITH THE IDEA OF GOD, AND I’LL BE GODDAMNED IF THIS BULLSHIT ISN’T HONORED!!!”
Its likkkkke
You guys are both fucking idiots
Science is basically fantasy football
Its all the geeks like
“Well technically if we can add the right ion to this gene we can THEORETICALLY solve for X”
Its like they never actually throw on the pads
They are the monday morning QB of intellectuals

Do you know how science works?
You say something. Lets say you saw a UFO. Lets say you saw a UFO that only comes around once every 100 years.
I don’t know what you do after you claim you saw a UFO?
Facebook post?
But anyone, lets say some “scientist” tries to challenge your claim.
First of all he would recreate the moment when you saw it.
Probably set up shop for a pre determined test period. Lets say 2 weeks.
Then he documents
He gathers a sample size of info
DEDUCES
basically this mother fucker is working backwards to prove your shit
So it’d be something like this

“After much data gathering and attempts to recreate the incident, we have determined that the results are highly unlikely. We can’t tell you what it was, but we can surely rule out it being a UFO”

And then you’re there like “ohhhh ok… thank you mister scientist, I was wrong!”

I don’t know where I heard it, but someone was saying

If you went swimming and saw a great white shark
and then came paddle back and told a scientist
He would then walk to the ocean
take out a cup
take a sample of the ocean
bring it back to the lab
evaluate it
possible take some more samples
then he would be like
after all research i’ve done
I find it highly unlikely that such a creature exists
in fact in all my years evaluating the alleged beasts habitat
I find this ocean could sustain no such life

Its like when people talk about space
We’ve barely been to the moon… SUPPOSEDLY lol
how the fuck are we going to talk about SPACE
you know
how the fuck are you supposed to teach anything but investigation?
there are no absolutes

we can’t even explain how there are 7 days in a week

And the God guy in this documentary was just as stupid
He believed that man walked with dinosaurs and the world was less than 10000 years old

Where do you draw the fucking line?
It’d be like if Pepsi and Coke were battling to see who was the most healthiest cola on the market
Theyll both fucking kill you haha

Its like when people talk about who they are voting for president
Like they think one dude is taking his binder full of notes has been keeping
and now that he’s in office things are gonna be his way
I mean
Maybe its always been run like this
maybe all cultures just worship whoever can convince them that they need worshipping
But a man will not change the worlds mind on things
It has to be an idea
Maybe channelled through man
But we are simple beings
We have a few base needs
A few scenarios we replay in our lives to fill the voids we’ve created
We assign value to the mundane
people like to have their thoughts neatly lined out each morning
“I know what’s acceptable to me. I know my boundaries. I will go there. I definitely WON’T go there.”
You’re a little programmed person
Like when people talk about changing
What they mean is “i’m gonna slightly rotate who I am”
Like they will change within what they are…
They mean they will go from sugar addicts to workout addicts
They won’t TRANSFORM
They will slightly rotate
No one goes from like conservative christian coke head
to like
nude body paint artist
and if they do
if they really rotate to the opposite end of the sphere
they are still on the sphere
they’ve simply solved the problem of how
not the problem of why

like even if some dude did change
he’d just be an entitled artist you know?
maybe he slightly rewired what makes him happy
maybe he was able to see happiness in something he didn’t before
but he didn’t change what happiness was
it was still a simple receptor for stimulation
he didn’t even ask himself the question ‘Am I entitled to MY idea of happiness?’

well i’m off to bed
leave a comment
i’m so fucking bad at replying to comments cause i dont really know how to reply to people showing love lol
but leave a comment anyway
if you leave a comment i promise i will reply
within a few weeks =)