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I abandon you for a few weeks, i know
But daddy loves you
He just has to earn that skrill
fuck I wish
I havent been doing shit
I went over to my parents house yesterday for Memorial Day
or was it Veterans day?
My nephew and my brother were there

we sat down in the backyard and chain smoked a few bowls
I really enjoy spending time with my brother
he is definitely an interesting guy
He moved to Costa Rica for a while
Then he just went to Thailand for a while
He does shit I wish I could do lol

My only gripe against my dear young brother
this mother fucker directs EVERY conversation
he always brings it back to the importance of a body cleanse
it worked for him, ya know?
but for the love of all things Holy, I fucking get it!
Before I talk to him, in my head im thinking
Hes either going to tell me what I need to change about my diet,
what music i need to be listening to
what things i need to be worrying about
or
how

Wow!!
So this is how this blog starts?
Brother bashing?!
What a dick.
Sorry wtf else am I gonna write about? haha

Its like if you discovered some crazy religion that really resonated within you
And you run home and tell your old alcoholic pops about it
And hes like, “fuck that, pick up the bible. that helped me!”

You can’t help but quickly judge the person telling you what to do, ya know?
You’re like “listen dickhead, clearly this hasnt helped YOU, so why the fuck would I subject myself to this?”
Everyone does that shit
You don’t want to be taking orders from someone inferior
Not implying that his journey is inferior to mine, just simply stating that its MY OWN

I feel as if i’m telling him “i’m taking a road trip”
And hes like “I got the directions!”
And i’m like “Bitch I haven’t even told YOU which direction im going. Fuck, I don’t even know.”

and its not so much that i feel like i lost
I had to fucking break it down ya know?
I’m trying to get high as fuck and talk about how to grasp and interpret new ideas ya know?

The way I explained it to him was like this
And it was right after I attempted to have him watch this Doc called Undefeated
which was about football so I had a football theme running through my mind
but i was like

“It’d be like if you were a positional coach,
and you’re breaking down your pupils technique
your some like DB coach
and you’re telling your kid, Dog, when you see that QBs head pop up coming out of the play-action, you fucking drop your hips and hit your back pedal as hard as you fucking can. You position yourself to be the last line of defense, but also your defense is first line of offense. You have to place yourself at the highest point of the end trajectory of the football. (btw, this hypothetical kid is a CF-type FS)

But then after you lecture the shit out of this poor inner-city youth, you go…

“Listen up Jerome, I know I was in the middle of breaking down this valuable info, but let me first tell you how you are going to execute…

You got to wear the right team jersey!!!!!!”

Like no shit buddy
No fucking shit that’s step one
I get it
I know that
In fact, just by you telling me, i’m assuming YOU thought I was a fucking retard
and now for some reason i’m sitting here feeling slightly offended that you would come at me with this fucking square one bullshit when i’m trying talk to you about all the sexy bullshit that comes with getting high
not fucking “decalcify your pineal gland”
yeah I know its fucking important
so important that Ive been doing everything I can to do that for fucking months!
but so is breathing
you just don’t keep harping on someone to make this change that you’ve made
This is so funny because I see this pattern in my life
Where I really immerse myself in something and then it catches on
And then to keep the balance, I have to kind of shy away for fear of being seen as an imposter
Like when the Giants went to the World Series
It got so out of hand so fast, with literally everyone wearing Giants garb
I ruined a good moment that I could have had
By distancing myself

Its like I used to be a Tom Petty fan
Not crazed, but like, if were out drinking ill throw on the greatest hits
Then I met my wife, and found out her ex was like an uber petty fan
And i was “fuuuuuuck Tom Petty”
hahahaha

I asked my brother “do you think im a fucking idiot? We talk about this shit every fucking time!”
It was really a shitty move on my part, ya know, criticizing someone while they’re stoned hahaha
I just felt like a percolating tea kettle about to blow my top if I didn’t say anything
I had to make an executive decision
My high vs. His high
Sorry

It was so fucking funny though. I wish I was recording it.

I thought about paraphrasing the argument, but is there anything worse that someone telling their side of a story unopposed?

Lets just say he left without saying bye to me haha

He reminds me of this kid I used to live with when I was like 19
He knew about one subject
Like somehow he accidentally watched a documentary on people dying

So we were at this party and some drunk bitch says “rigamortus”
My boy literally knew EVERYTHING there was to know about rigamortus.
He fucking killed it, ya know. Im sure he didn’t bang her, or even get her number, but needless to say, I was impressed.

Its good to know about things, or course.
But can you imagine my homie calling that girl
“Yo yo yo, this is Heffe from the kegger. Remember? we talked about rigarmoutus? Soooooo… uhhhh… you wanna talk about cardiac muscle fibers?”

Like bitch youre a one trick pony!!!!!!

But anyway a few weeks ago my brother messages me and is like
“dude i got an idea
read this book, its called Ishmael
some bullshit about a gorilla
and then lets come up with a story based on the book”

so being the good brother I am
I take the time to do a few google searches
never actually reading the book, but I think, understanding the gist lol

so anyway, im all fucking happy to see him
so, ya know, we can take this idea and flesh it out
toss around some ideas

so my father and brother are sitting out front shooting the shit
and I go to my brother “so, uh, I read up on that book… Ishmael?”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah its pretty nuts.”
So right here, you know, we’re volleying the conversation back and forth. Very informal. Also an important side note is my father has only read 3 books EVER. One about some tiger hunter. One in grade school I think. I think the last one was like a survival guide thing, more of a pamphlet as I recall. But anyway, my dad has no business in any sort of discussion about anything more complicated than the doctrine they teach the 7-10 year olds in Sunday school.
So where was I, ah yes, I answer with “Yeah its pretty nuts!” imagine me all enthusiastic.
This mother fucker turns to my DAD and basically repeats a summary of the summary I read.

“Its about this gorilla who posts an ad in the newspaper-” He just tells him the whole fucking story. My dads sitting there staring blankly at my brother just kind of nodding his head.
But anyway, for like 6 and a half minutes im listening to him go on until finally he finishes. You know what he does then? Get gets up to check on the potatoes he’s cooking. Just fucking vanishes.
Does it get brought back up again?
Nay.

I read the fucking summery so we could discuss it!
Not so I could re-hear what the fucking books about!
I wanted the discussion to go something like this…

“Dude, so when he proposes that we need to reverse engineer the fall of man, do you think he’s referring to human consciousness or do you think he’s referring to each one of us individually?”
“Hmmm, idk”
“I personally (btw this one is me in my fantasy discussion) think that each one of us must deny the fruit, ya know? Everyday we must train ourselves not to partake in the desire for knowledge of good and evil. We must have faith that we aren’t supposed to be able to differentiate good and evil. If we are oblivious to good and evil then we can press forward with the ultimate goal. At-one-ment.”
“yeah, yeah, i guess I can see that” I can see him saying “guess”, ya know, just a subtle way to not fully deliver my props lol
“So how did you want to begin an adaptation? what kind of project are we looking at? Script, Play, piece of music, poem? how do you want to channel this?
“a mega blockbuster”
AC/DC’s Back in Black starts playing
smash-cut to 8 months later. were on the beach counting our money.

But no!
This mother fucker had to make his potatoes

i mean i know the only reason i hate hearing my brother talk is because i like hearing myself talk more lol
hes my younger brother lol

what the fuck does he know?
I say as I sink my teeth into the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil lol
its just shit that exists in me though, ya know, I just have to figure out why that shit bugs me
Maybe its a mirror that allows me to see myself

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Ok ok
Is there anything else??
what do you think I should do with the blog?
Class it up a little?
I think ima start using apostrophes
well just accept the autocorrect on them
idk why
but i feel like the more dumbed down i keep my blog
the less it can be taken seriously lol
who the fuck is gonna complain about some piece of shit without capital letters or periods?
actually i dont know if im cut out for blogging
i feel like the kid who bought new cleats and a new glove
and then was like fuck it, id rather have a girlfriend haha
although my girlfriend technically would be my pull to the material world
while my blogging would symbolize some sort of creative energetic output

its just so fucking hard
its so hard to be in a moment and try to have 20/20 vision

you know how people like telling you what to do
its like, its so easy to have 20/20 vision for someone elses future and your own past
but never YOUR own now

i literally had to get some coins
pray on em
throw them up in the air and ask “should i write my blog now?”
and i got ⅔ of the coins face up
so here i am
hahaha
Its just that blogging requires you be in the moment
I mean, unless you have a forum, or something to write about
I was thinking I should start a blog about a show or something, cause like clockwork you can just comment on the show
its not you
if you’re just some poor fool, like myself, who just gets on here and wings it
fuuuuck
hopefully something happened you can write about haha
Ive never been good in “the moment”
in fact i tend to avoid “the moment” in favor of a marijuana induced numbness haha
how fucking terrible is that?

I mean I love smoking weed but its not like its a permanent solution ya know?
a fucking crutch
idk what the fuck im talking about right now
to be quite honest, im actually pretty fucking baked as I type
and almost assuredly when you read this too

I wonder if I have any mangos left?
I heard mangos somehow unlock a better high
I say I heard like I was having brunch with a botanist and it organically came up
I think I “heard” it on some psychedelic instagram meme
Ok, no mangos left
well fuck
I got an eggplant
maybe ill fry the shit out this
peace =)
oh and if you have time check this out
http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/s/schopenhauer/arthur/essays/chapter5.html#chapter5
oh and my two readers are fucking awesome!! =)

3 thoughts on “Talking shit on fam

  1. I think you should just keep writing in your stream of consciousness style. I get your vibe and I feel like I’m getting to know you on these pages and it’s interesting and fun. That’s my two cents!

  2. i know im behind on this but… people who always drive the conversation drive me nuts too. conversation is meant to be two ways with plenty of input from more than one person. and as far as your blog is concerned – well… it should reflect your personality and if that means cursing a lot without any commas or apostrophes then so be it (or whatever other writing habits you may have). you do with it what you want. i like what you have to say – it’s always interesting. 🙂

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