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greetings and salutations!

how the hell are all of you? you guys good?

the end of the year was a mother fucker am I right?

did we all feel that?

anyway, the reason, the REAL reason im back is because some brave soul wasnt afraid to stand up for what was right. not right, right is the wrong word. my girl was able to stand up for something she believed in, and she created, just as god did. First she became aware, SELF aware. She learned how to read. Then she became aware of outside stimuli. Then and only then did she formulate a thought. Through the manifestation of this thought she was able to create an electric impulse of momentum that caused her to read 3 WHOLE posts of mine and leave the most lovely comment in my about section demanding that I continue to update this piece of dogshit blog that offers no multimedia, no cool quizes on stupid shit, no one other thing, just the insane ramblings of a poor soul trapped beneath the weight of… fuck i dont have time to think of a clever something im trapped under but lets just say this mother fucking fornicater of matter is getting claustrophobic.

I must mention that I am writing this on my parents computer in one shot. one draft. no edits! so i might have to just abandon you on a few subjects in an effort to keep the show moving. and the reason im not using my computer is cause that bundle of sticks decided to crack himself in his screen.

anyway, why you ask is a 31 year old father of 2 at his fucking parents house?! well, if you have read any previous posts you might have gathered that I was/am married to a real piece of work. and you know, you live by the sword you die by the sword. you want to marry some loon, well, you gotta ride that shit out ya know? like acid or god. you cant just stop mid-creation and begin anew. you have to abide by the laws of that created experience right? so i think im in the home stretch. riding this god damned relationship into the dirt.

you know, i could go into great detail about how i was hurt, and betrayed, and left to feel like a useless loser but why? why drag up the painful past? why focus on the negative? as Abraham-Hicks says there are 6000 good things, dont focus on the 1 bad thing. I may have butchered that saying. in context she was applying it to a person. so yeah, lets focus on the good things. lets see. well she always cooked bacon. (sitting in silence listening to the clock tick) well… fuck

listen, ill reveal a little but just cause im literally suffering from extreme amounts of boredom. and before you give me some quote about a bored mind is the product of whatever, i happen to be in a town of like 2000. the only food source is a fucking taco truck. i literally get stoned in my car in the mornings and drive to the donut shop just so i have somewhere to go. I guess the donut shop is a food source, but that place closes at like 10am.

so where was i? where did it all unravel? ah yes, here we are

Dec. 13th or 14th

location Los Gatos right off of the Lark exit (in fact if you are driving down the 17 and see the lark exit, just image me hiiigh as fuckk and hopefully that warms your soul)

im sitting at home minding my own business, brewing a big pot of mushroom tea. no sooner do i chug my first cup do i hear a knock on the door. so im a big believer in set and setting. i got my buddha out. im burning frankincense. i got a crystal grid on the floor. listening to infected mushroom. you know, the whole 9.

oh btw the only reason i was doing this is because my dumb wife gave me some dumb excuse about how she was taking the kids to make cookies at her grandmas house. so im there ALONE you know. much needed rest as i had just been watching the 3 kids for 7 days straight! so shes like, ill let you relaxxx. really pitching it to me hard like shes doing me this grand favor. so im like whatever this will be cool. the original plan was to take the mushrooms and then watch the ufc the night before but i was so tired that by the time i awoke from my nap it had ended. thats why i was doing them in the morning. jesus christ what a convoluted story. did i use that word right? i really dont have time to check haha

anyway, my shroom wave hits me and the jehovah witnesses knock on the door. this one guy who always comes by. old white guy, im gonna say repbulican haha. looked kinda like the devil. but anyway, he brought this poor kid he was brain washing with him. so i opened the door and stepped out of our apartment on the balcony. i thought of inviting them in but it would be too weird. i mean, it was weird enough i was standing a foot in front of these two fellas with my oakleys on at like 8:45 am haha

when all was said and done we had argued for like 2 hours and i was tripping balls haha the old man was like “ah jimmy over here, he gets straight a’s in math, geometry, the whole shabang!” im like “geometry huh? what you know about sacred geometry?” and hes looking at me like “uhhh huh?” so im trying to orchestrate this 3d drawing in mid air with my trembling mushroom impulse hands. im would see a neighbor walk by and look up concerned and then realize that im screaming at these poor guys who think they are helping.

im like trying to explain hermetic principles to this guy haha im like “youre christian reform, christianity is jewish reform, you read the tora but not the tarot, AND youo dont know hebrew. you call your god jehovah based on the vowel points from adonai! you dont understand the tetragramaton. you dont know who yod heh shem vau heh is or what it means to activate the heart within the world of creation!! you dont know how to interpet the kaballistic writtings of john of patmos!!! you dont know about the world of assiah or even what a fucking chakra is!!!! youre quoting fire and brimstone. you dont know how god creates. Tell me what paul means by pleroma!!!” he actually did know what the Fibonacci sequence was, which was cool but he couldnt apply it to his life. I was trying to explain that your past and your present = your future and you shape your creation the same way the macro does, first in thought.

afterwards he invited me to his house and whatnot. really nice guy. it makes me sad.

so anyway, half way into my trip i start getting this intuition you know? like really strong. and i had noticed that my wife had called me at 1:30am the night before so im like wtf. so i call her and she is like overly bubbly, like a nervous “ha ha nothing to see here!” so i continue with the probe. oh and also as she was leaving, i happened to look out the window and saw her mom giving her a purse. so im like huh weird. so anyway, she ends up telling me “oh my mom just gave me a purse!”

and im like “when?”

“just right now”

“right now?”

“yeah”

“like today, not yesterday?”

“yeah”

“ok… ok… well thats interesting. how did she do it? did she make you unwrap it or did she just give it to you?”

“she just gave me the purse. why are you being weird?”

“did she yell surprise? how did she give you the damn purse?!”

anyway, the convo ends up sprialling haha which it isnt good to be skeptical when youre high as fuck on shrooms. its like the WORST hahaha so now im in a fucking frenzy over here like “this bitch is up to something” haha

anyway, sure enough, i caught the ho red handed.

before i go any further I also want to let you know that I am not on my high flying disc right now haha and as Abraham says that only meaningful communication can occur while in the “vortex” that was the EGO talking haha

thats the struggle though mannnn

thats it

the balance of the caduceus

the yin and the yang

how high do i fly towrads the sun?

like spiritually I get it, we are what my psychic calls twin souls or whatever

and we recognize all the things we hate about ourselves in that other person. we are providing each other with the growth experience that will help us become the best versions of ourselves by ourselves showing each other what we absolutely cannot stand in a relationship.

yes, the amount of growth that i have experience in the last month alone are like a lifetime of lessons

not just getting burned or whatever but defining more clearly to the universe what I DO want.

I know that I want a relationship that has love, and trust, and support, and mind blowing cuisine

needless to say, i end up leaving and going back to my parents cause you know, through her giving up a little bit of the truth, like where she got the purse, the lies just kept on coming until finally i went on att and checked the data usage and it was pretty easy to piece together the truth.

but it was brutal man, i was living this whole damn year for the final 3 weeks. thats my birthday, christmas, new years. psh, i didnt get shit. it was the worst.

new years was cool. i went out with a friend and we had a great time. I met a bunch of cool ass people. like this one kid, omg, dude is hilarious. this little middle eastern club kid who rolled like a 23 minute blunt. I ended up crashing at my friends house. his heater was out so we were trying to keep a fire all night but that kept going out too. this year has been incredible cold. i was shaking all night and then we woke up in the morning and i went with him to play Frisbee golf at some shitty park in modesto. its pretty cool, you just throw a frisbee and smoke weed up and down the courses or holes or whatever they are called. then after that we swooped up that david kid and played ultimate frisbee. its pretty fun. not more fun than football, but still fun. i cant really throw a fucking frisbee worth shit, nor catch one.

so other than ultimate frisbee i havent really been doing shit. i met some girl and have been talking to her so that has been nice. it feels nice just to chat with someone. i dont know if its going anywhere but whatever.

soo what else? hmmm

oh i had to make a new job resume. that sucked. im too the point where im basically banking on whomever reads my resume that they just accept it on face value because i have no clue if any of the dates are right. Ive literally had like 15 jobs haha none of which were in 2014 and you look like a real beta if you put full time dad from 2013-2014. the guys gonna be like “you have a 5 year old? im seeing some gaps in fathering history” haha fuuuuuck…. im kind of at the point where I am just trying to allow. Allow the flow of the love of god. hopefully he flows me over to a great job that i dont have to fill out an application for. i went in for this open job interview thing at a bar and half way thru the application i wanted to just walk out, well actually i wanted to buy a beer. the girls at the bar were helping me fill out the ‘what makes you different from all the other applicants’ question. i was like fuck the stupid job i just wanna get drunk with these ho’s! haha im jk

i know that i need to get to that place of happiness regardless of the outside world. i can no longer remain victim to the creations of others. holy shit thats hard lol like even trying to be with someone to alleviate the ego pain. I desperately want SOMEONE, ANYONE haha but i know that i will find the one for me when the timing is right

ok well im gonna go. thats the terrible shit thats been going on in my life haha

talk to yall soon!

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8 thoughts on “crazzzy fool

  1. Crazy chick that asked you to post more stuff here… First off- thanks for posting more stuff. Second off- I’m incredibly nosey and on top of that I feel like we are bff’s cause every post I read makes me feel like I know you a little more and like we WOULD be besties if we actually knew each other in life, and because of that I desperately need to know what you meant when you said you pieced together the data useage from the phone bill and discovered the truth. What truth?!?! You’re with your parents and looking for a job, are we talking cheating? Separating? Divorce?!?! I don’t understand why she lied about the purse. It seems like a stupid thing to lie about. Or was she trying to say she was with her mom when she actually wasn’t? Thirdly- as much as I get annoyed but the Jehovah witnesses I almost feel bad for the poor soul who knocked on your door. Only because I’m also completely ignorant to 95% of the things you (and often do) say when it comes to your spiritual beliefs. Every time you start talking about I keep telling myself I’m going to do some serious research cause I don’t have a fucking clue what you mean lol. Life path number 8? Tetragrammaton? World of assiah? Activating the heart? Well shit. I have an IQ of 146 but I feel stupid of fuck. Cause I have NO CLUE wtf you’re talking about. Is there a course I was suppose to take? Self help book? Chakra for dummies? Anything?!? I feel like if I’m going to badger you for new posts I should try to educate myself.

    Anyway, thanks for the update!

    • omg please dont read my past posts. i dont know what the fuck im saying now let alone 2 years ago. people sometimes comment one shit like i just wrote it. i wish i could go back and delete them but im too embarrassed to even read them haha

      separation? ahhhh well first you must understand that our relationship had run its course like 3 years ago. so like, i just stayed with this person cause i thought that would be best for the kids, cause thats what my dumb dad did too

      but you know, you begin to recognize patterns. so yeah, she was texting all her old party pals from back in the day. im just putting two and two together but when i confronted her, she kinda denied it, but not really, and then her response was “ohh youve wanted out of this relationship for a LONG time.” which i guess is true.

      so yeah i think im gonna divorce her. haha, its not that big of a deal. weve had our papers filed for years now, just at the last second we always reconcile right before the hearing date lmao ahhhhhhh wwwwwttttffffff

      but yeah, the night she got home she had a new jacket in a bag and shes like “oh my mom got this for me. I dont know if i like it. i might take it back because i always feel bad getting anything for myself. i think emily might have ripped off the tags” hahahahaha at least get creative man. like ah, you didnt wear that ballin new jacket out with all your friends. i see haha

      the whole purse thing was, her mom came and picked her and the kids up that night that she was going to go make cookies at her grandmas. so as they are baking up, our apartment is right over the parking, so i go to the window to see if they have left, cause it takes hella time to load up everything. and i just so happen to look when her mom is giving her a purse. a bright yellow unmissable purse. so her mom was in on the hiding of this bullshit. which idc, her mom has always lied for her and will continue too.

      she even had her dumb mom call me up and be like “ohh michael, you are saying you are so spiritual. why dont you practice what you preach?”
      “im like huh? you guys were lying AGAIN to me. what do you propose I do?”
      “why dont you be honest with yourself. youre not so good. youre not who you are claiming to be.”

      “wtf are you talking about? im not claiming to be anyone. I just enjoy reading books casually lol”

      it was just like these weird act of trying to alleviate the reality. like they just started attacking my character haha. like wtf man. never once acknowledging their parts. fucking toxic ugh. it bums me out just talking about those fat trolls.

      I had the kids this weekend, so after she picked them up, i didnt really say anything to her. but after she got home to her grandparents she text me “my dad made some ribs, do you want me to bring you some before I go back home?” I put “yeah”. “do you want corn?” “sure” so she brought them to me with a soda and some chocolate candies. uh such bullshit. and then since I accepted the god damn ribs, which i know i shouldnt have but i was fucking starving! then shes gonna text me ohh ill be dreaming about you and all this other bullshit. like bitch i was hungry! you cant atone with food your ass didnt even cook.

      haha life path or life lesson number is just your birthday reduced to a single digit. so like mine is an 8. a number of power, but not necessarily physical power but mental power. the 8 card in the tarot, strength is a woman taming a lion. its the inner strength to tame the beast or ego. thats what i think im supposed to learn in this lifetime. ohh fuck, thats a tough one.

      the tetragrammaton means the 4 letter name of God

      God is not the name of God. in the bible they hide the tetragrammatons name, which is yod heh vav heh, by calling him adonai which means lord. so if you read genesis it will say LORD God. It should be YHVH Elohim, or YHWH Elohim. But really the tetragrammaton is not a name but a symbol to be read upright that within houses the 4 worlds of creation, the tree of life, the 22 pathways of our creation. the fucking white man wants you to believe it is a being outside of us, but in reality we are created within the image of god. We are gods imagination!

      we all know that God is One right? God is Love. God is Light. There is only ONE light. As bill hicks says “today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather” haha Tool fan?

      essientially YHWH is the macrocosm. The ONE. Y=Fire, H=Water, W=Air, H=Earth. And just like our solar system is a living being and has chakras that from our perception we label as planets, our solar sun orbits a polar sun. the whole galaxy and all of observable creation appears to be moving in the same spiraled energy. the whole of all of Creation is within YHWH. If you are familiar with the fibanaci sequence, its the same thing. 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34..etc etc… you just keep adding the number your on with the number behind it and bam, you get the next number. so if you take a make a square that is 1×1 and place another square that is 1×1 next to it, then turn it on its side and place a square that is 2×2 on top of that, then turn it again and place a 3×3 square and so on until infinity you get these cool little blocks, that just are made out of straight lines. That is the law. that is the fixed creation. again YHWH. Remember also what preceded the world of creation as well. The elohim, the el and the ella. the positive/negative. even if science can pin point that the whole of the universe existed within one atom at one point and then began expanding, they cant explain WHY! they just observe the lines. they observe the law.

      now who fufills the law? the positive and the negative give birth to the child. the logos. the reciever of the energy from both parents. the harmonizer. now that the straight lines or laws have been set, spirit has a oppurtunity to embody the material creation. If you draw a line from each square you begin to see this beautiful spiral. That spiral, or serpent energy, is in everything because that is the model of YHWH.

      Paul says in Romans chapter 8 9 You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.10 But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life[d] because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of[e] his Spirit who lives in you.”

      The christ is Jesus, but who is Jesus? and what does christ mean? Christ means the annointed one. And jesus comes from yeshua. yeshua is the same name as Joshua. The name Joshua is the tetragrammaton with a shin. Which in Hebrew represents the heart or spirit. Y=Fire, H=Water, Shim=Spirit, W=Air H=Earth

      http://www.freemasons-freemasonry.com/Adam_Kadmon.html this link might help

      have you ever heard that song by modest mouse called 3rd planet? it says “the universe is shaped exactly like the earth, if you go straight along enough youll end up where you were. if you google nassem haramein you will see that we are all tarus feilds. atoms. apples. humans. planets. suns. solar systems. galaxys. the ONE ALL is a giagantic tarus feild that embodies all of our sub-logoi tarus fields. hence we are the microcosm. In the secret book of James Jesus says “I tell you the truth: no one among you will ever enter the kingdom of heaven because I commanded it, but rather because you yourself are filled.” as the great st Germain says, when you hear kingdom think consciousness. You cant enter Gods consciousness unless YOU do it.

      now if you youtube danny wilten you will see how we are literally in the lower dimensions of malkuth. yesod one sephirah higher, was termed eden. the crown chakra or keter is the orion nebula where according to the big bang theory all matter seems to get younger the closer you get to orion. that leads me to believe that we are the macrocosms seamen hahahahaha lmao

      if you think in terms of if you know yourself you can know god and all the universe is embodied within you, you can entertain the thought that maybe if the poleless one created first in emanation or thought, and then our spirit was able to incarnate within the imagination of the macro, then surely, just like the Fibonacci can spiral down or up, we can observe the atom or the universe infinitely in any direction, JUST MAYBE there are consciousnesses experiencing themselves within our thoughts!! I mean if our universe is fractal in nature and we are just incarnating into bodies that are made from the planet we live on, it seems like its up to our spirit to continually choose growth or risk being buried in the fire and brimstone that is the calcified consciousness.

      THAT is what makes me so fucking angry. Not really but, sad I guess. That is what makes me so god damned sad when you see these peddlers for the law. they literally call themselves Jehovah Witnesses. Jehovah is the Lawgiver. The fashioner. the demiurge. the blocks. He is not the heavenly father. He is not the holy spirit. simply the creation that allows us the experience. You do not worship the world.

      Like I asked that dude “what happens if we colonize mars? do we abandon the bible? does it only apply to israel? nah bro, you are gonna take your book to mars too!”

      if you know who Jehovah is, and you know who Jesus is. First of all the J was invented like a few hunderd years ago, so these names you are saying are not the names of the mythical beings you think, but if you KNOW WHY jesus came, you understand WHO JESUS is, then you can choose if you want to label yourself a christian. Like if you are dedicated to UNDERSTANDING the myth and living by it, then bam, youre cool. But if you walk around door to fucking door everyday asking “what is happening to this world? are you scared?” fuck you man!

      The myth of Jesus is this… Jesus represents the Christ consciousness. 4th dimensional service to others. Dedication to shepherding in the consciousness of your neighbor with LOVE. Jesus gave ONE commandment “Love the Lord YOUR God (your higher self, heavenly father, love/light) and LOVE your neighbor as you LOVE yourSELF!” First of all, before you can love yourself, you have to know yourself. You have to know that you are the tetragrammaton. You are the fashioned clay into a world of beasts. You must first LOVE yourSELF, meaning you raise the brazen serpent and ascend thru the chakras/archetypes in order to develop OUR consciousness.

      How does the bible tell us to do this? Well first we must make ourselves virgins if we want to give birth to the conciousness (baby jesus). How do we do that?! Well we must be born again! How are we born again. Death to the ego!!!! The myth of Jesus goes that he crucified his physicality (ego) on the cross (the material earth) in order to be reunited with the higher dimensions of his father (crown). Have you ever heard that saying “you have to clean up your lower chakras if you want to acess your higher ones?” same thing.

      SO THAT IS WHY when some guy walks up to me claiming to be born again and baptized in the new 4th dimensional consciousness of pure love/light just as the avatar he worships did, and claiming that he too attained this consciousness by way of self sacrifice, riding the self of the causes of suffering, the seven deadly sins. Claiming to be a receiver and amplifier for the heavenly father, but this guy doesnt know the god damn name of HIS OWN GOD!!! Hes calling him something with a damn J at the beginning and he drives a balling car with a fat fucking gunt hanging over his pants. Mother fucker I read your aura. Youre projecting your own terror of ignorance onto other nice folks. Its like a lower vibrating being is trying to trap me with the line of like “well by god, we have a great community at our church, all the people are lovely, we get together and really bond over our faith.” wtf?! You my friend are what the apostle Paul would call a Jew or a psychic. In opposition to the greek or pneumatic who is capable of having a spiritual experience. you my friend are the milk drinker. If you claim to be saved by the blood of the anointed one but you are still a cunt, you my friend are what i call a fucking blasphemer!!!

      again, i am in no way claiming to be enlightened. i mean, evidently right. im not trying to say i know more than him, but it would be like talking to a star wars fan who had no clue who joesph campbell was, and then all the sudden when you start talking about the hero’s journey, you start getting specific, “well clearly luke never said that. you are adding to the story now.” no mother fucker i just know the spirit of the story. its growth and change. thats what these fucking old fat fuck white cunts dont understand is that we are all plants at different levels of growth, and everything needs growth, you cant judge someone when they are a young dumb underwatered plant. the convos i had with these religions guys. like they stroke themselves off everytime they help someone out cause they see everything linearly. its like, ah i sacrificed my time for this homeless guy, now i feel better. they wont sacrifice their mind long enough to KNOW love. They wont activate love within themselves so that helping someone isnt even something to talk about, its just your earthly mission. you dont even need to talk about it, ya know?
      so basically bringing it all back to my dumb ex. we are the wheel within the wheel. shooting in and out of experience in the name of defining a harmony in which we wish to exist. its like have you ever seen the guys who do the tones with salt? like how does that one piece of salt know to go to the center of the star of david and why does one salt go towards the outer rim? because that is the way it responded. IT responded because it reflected the vibration. the LoA states that are thoughts are creating our realities. are thoughts are defining our vibrations, which define our realities. I suppose im just ready for another experience with someone else other than my wife you know? like what else will unfold? yes, i love her so much because she helped me grow. she was there for me in ways that i didnt know haha and while it was painful, dude, im so happy i am where i am at now, even though, literally its in some shit hole town. and obviously thats right now haha, when im nice and stoned. im sure tomorrow ill want to choke down a handful of pharmaceuticals but its like old Sisyphus, you gotta get on that, as Abraham says, get on that high flying disc EVERY day. Is this not the longest reply ever?

      anyway, i want to personally thank you for your interest in my bullshit. please filter it through your own innermost and never believe anything anyone tells you. you asked about like something you could learn from? well, here is what I would suggest. Breathing exercises. Weed. Spirit Science on youtube. Meditation. Mushrooms. Books (HP Blavatsky, Manly P Hall, Dion Fortune, Annie Besant, Edgar Cayce, Abraham-Hicks, the RA material, seth speaks) Crystals. LSD. hahaha just whatever you know? Whatever feels right for you. Just remember you are an amalgamations of your now and past, so if you want to learn anything just move in that direction. And if you have any free time dont read my past blogs! read a good book!! haha i think im literally retarded.

  2. Sophox, I won’t pretend to understand all that. I don’t want to. 🙂 But I do hope you find what you’re looking for. It’s a new year, new chance to be your best self and do what’s right for you and your kids. Hoping that for you.

    -kk

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