has it been a while?
i just got back from church with lincoln
all of the church ladies seem to have taking a liking to her
i mean, how could you not?
anyway, sorry, i’m pretty stoned right now sooo, like always, this will just begin directionless
whats been going on with me you ask?
well, my wife an I are on an annual cycle that sees us run down the gauntlet of what ive seen referred to as “the wheel of co-dependence” haha
so that shit went down this past week
seems like some sort of necessary perspective exposure that ultimately unites the forces on the homefront
but in an extremely painful way
well it wasnt that painful, it had its moments
but for some reason i kept hearing this voice in my head telling me not to worry
like explaining that these events have to take place not just to help or hurt me, but this event was a mechanism of something bigger, and if i could just keep reassuring myself that these where just the ways of the universe and it would soon pass, i could avoid suffering the consequences of what surely would have been a physical response caused by stress
so i was like fuck it
i just raged hard for like 4 nights straight
literally punished my body in a way that was probably worse than what stress could have done haha
but in a really fun way of course
coming home is always hard of course
but we hammered out most of the issues and i’m happy to say we’re staying together for the kids
nah i’m crazy about this broad to be quite honest
i know something i wanted to write
it was told to me a few weeks back who I was in a past life
I was given a name and I looked it up and sure enough there was a dude by the same name
in fact, when i was told this information, it was followed by “look it up!”
so I did
according to my source I was killed during the Korean war
so i looked it up and there I was!
it did however say like “non-hostile casualty”
idk wtf that means, but i’m pretty sure it was an inside job haha
like they waterboarded me to death
i think i knew too much haha
also i wanted to write another post cause the last one was kind of bitter ya know?
i didnt mean it to be, and I think thats the problem
i’m projecting this victim mentality
this me against the pigs
thats not how i want it to come across you know?
those were all great learning experience that i will cherish so fondly
in fact they will probably be the longest lasting memories i have lol
its like getting yelled at by your wrestling coach
its ingrained in you haha
dude, speaking of fond cherished memories
i was listing to a podcast and they we’re talking about Ebert I think
the movie guy that got some crippling disease like 8/9s of the way thru his life
and the first thing people say is like, “ah fuck that guy was courageous!”
you think he wanted to be remembered like that?
for fighting some disease he didnt even want?
he wanted people to be like “yo you remember that crazy hard critic? he was a dick but, boy did that mofo save me some money… you know, at the movie theaters? I didnt know if I had to explain, because at the time I would only see movies that he gave thumbs up to. some shit i was tempted to see, i straight backed off cause I knew his fucking nasty ass review was so cruel, that yeah, it basically swayed me from seeing, ultimately, yeah ill admit it, a couple really good movies that i wanted to see. I don’t know if he liked Tommy Boy but that shit was a classic and I really wish, had I known how much I appreciate it now, not really appreciate it, but how much it defined my style of humor growing up, i wish i would have seen that shit in the theater. I saw dumb and dumber though, fucking opening week dog, i was like 7 or 12. you can’t take that from me siskel!!!”
instead we be like “whhhhhhhhhhhhhhew. I mean, first and foremost lets take a moment of silence….. ok. well that dude could straight resist a disease for a minute, you know what i’m saying? modern science man. fuck. I mean, knock on wood right?”
we don’t give a fuck
its like, if you we’re a great musician and you died under some shady circumstances, thats all you are
you are what you did
if youre that popstar who blew his head off playing russian roulette, no one gives a fuck about your music
you are a rockstar for life, hall of famer first ballot
but that’s the danger of course
you know if you don’t judge yourself by the laws of the demiurge, then he can’t judge you
isnt that what jesus said?
ohh one last thing
my bong broke!!
can you fucking believe it
literally every blog post something i value breaks haha
dude this is crazy cause its like everytime my pipes or bongs break, I always upgrade, you know?
so each time, its like a blessing
if you remove the aspect of time, and the realized impact of the moment
then what you have is one week, pipe A (medium sized)
week two, pipe B (a little bigger but with a much more convenient ice catcher)
just like that!
like if my life was a soap opera and i just dropped in every tuesday
and i didn’t know about the pain and anger that the initial breaking of bong A
id just be like “ah thats dope as fuck, new bong!”
at that point would it matter if I gave it to the neighbor kid or it broke?
its gone and something better is here
to bring it all back this is the mentality that i had with my wife’s fight
like i knew it was the pipe breaking
it was that initial feeling
but i just had to have faith in the universe that the healing would take place
and now my wife and i are great and i fucking LOVE my new rig
just had to have a little faith in ye old universal laws stating that change is a constant
although it could be looked at like my wife and i fight a lot
i look at it like this, we happen to be presented with a lot of opportunities to grow haha
our neighbors and local law enforcement probably don’t see it this way
but this is my matrix haha
its like, if you measure your life, not by moment to moment bullshit, but big picture events
alot of the terrible events are little after shocks
nah thats not the word
is that a thing?
at what point do the neighborhood dogs start barking?
is that a movie?
listen i’m high as fuck
omg this bong hits soooo nice
i mean, much nicer than the old one
sorry i keep bringing it back to weed
i don’t know though
its fucking crazy bro
to look back at life and know that at any moment you can get locked in as your latest exploit for life
like you can get cast in that stone
or if you are so lucky, you are able to escape that hardening process
you shed that skin and move onto a new experience
like i’m constantly having this thought
“its crazy how much ive changed”
and i don’t mean ‘changed’, thats the wrong word
my perception has been pulled back
and not in a big way, in maybe the littlest of ways
just starting to meditate
starting to separate the waters from the earth from the waters of heaven
to begin to differentiate the voices between the devil or ego or whatever you want to call it
and the higher self, spirit guides, heavenly Father
how could i possibly begin to document the countless times where I was swayed by the self serving voice in my head
or how many times ive found faults in others
some of the shit ive said on this very blog is just beyond ignorant
just some malicious bullshit
i’m glad we’re able to exist in this world that acknowledges growth
because i feel like i’m expanding like the fibonacci
everytime i look back i’m just like, even if it was like a year ago i’m like “Who the fuck are you?! what are you doing?!”
even shit RIGHT after i do it, i’m like “homie, wtf bro, that was not cool”
its almost scary how much shit i still do wrong
well not wrong
i guess i manifest some pretty self defeating situations
but its the life I incarnated in to
to learn the lessons of this life I choose only i could know
but the beginning stages of self awareness are serving me good I believe
anyway before I Ieave
one last thing
you gotta check out my buddy branden’s band
name alone, greatness already
but check out the music
I really dig what he is doing
it is the song at the top of the page
make sure you follow him on soundcloud
ok well my edible is kicking in so i’m gonna go for a walk or something haha
the title of this post is brought to you by The Confederation of Planets in the Service of the Infinite Creator via Ra