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i found out my mom has cancer
remember how i said she had some tests and shit done?
well she never returned my call and filled me in on the results
i was over there the other day and saw some pink pamphlet with a happy old lady on it that said something along the lines of “surviving breast cancer”
she hasn’t even told me yet
i asked my brother and he told me that she had some test done and that she had tested “3+” on some 1-4 scale
i don’t know what that means but I was kind of expecting it
just upsetting that she hasn’t called me back after the last time we talked
my initial instinct is to be mad, but wtf is that gonna accomplish?
i suppose i’m the one who needs to call her about it

my brother and i went to the local pizza joint to watch the football game on sunday and i brought lincoln with me
my dad joined us and when he told my mom that my daughter was there, she showed up like 30 minutes later
lincoln was getting kinda restless so they went back to her house and made cookies i think
i went back to my parents house and stayed til around 8ish
she had ample time to broach the subject  
but again, i don’t know what is going through her head at this time in her life
ill call her this weekend

i’m gonna try and pitch edible marijuana to her
when a state legalizes weed and its NFL team instantly appears in the superbowl
you can only take that as a sign that that is what my mother needs for cancer

anyyywayyy
soo other than that is there anything interesting to write about?
hmmm…
well…
I went to my psychic class the other day and guess what?!
we actually did a real life channel!!
i wasn’t expecting it at all, but that type of stuff is right up my alley
apparently there is a facebook page where they go over what they are going to do for the upcoming week but i forgot my facebook password
i set it up that if you want to log into my facebook it sends a text to my phone with a code or some bullshit
but now i sent in my phone to get repaired and its been quite a few days
no code=no login, but to be honest, i don’t really like being friends with anyone on facebook so i’m gonna say even when i do get my password i’m probably gonna steer clear of that crowd
so, again, i wasnt really expecting it

but we went outside and did this, idk what it was, ritual
they blessed the grounds around the circle we we’re seated in
and put crystals to each direction outside of the substance they sprinkled around us
and then before i knew it we all systems go

apparently it was an entity by the name of Brede I believe
at least thats what it sounded like
but she said she was aka Bridget or Ariel
after class they told me that she was an old celtic god that the catholics had to concede to the irish, so they made her a saint i believe
i really should google it

but i froze
she asked for questions
one lady asked about a stray dog. that was the only question =(
but she told us to focus with intent on getting water to the animals during this drought here in California
she said there was to be some earth changes soon too
i should have pipped in there and asked for her to clarify on that one

aside from fucking that one up, really, what is there to know?
i can’t think of anything…
i mean, i went home and tried just in case we ever do another channel
first of all i’m sure id be much too embarrassed to ask
and secondly
who the fuck am i?
i’ve read MAYBE 20% of the cayce material
about 20% of the law of one Ra Material
maybe 10% of the seth channels
maybe 5% of the Oahspe
i’m sure every question non pertinent to my place in time is answered
i feel like if i was a spirit answering a question for a dickhead like me id be like “read a book! google it motherfucker!”
i don’t know of anything i need to validate or justify
i feel like if it will happen, then it happens
i thought about asking like “is Yaldabaoth really the tetragrammaton?”
but knowing my luck id get hit by lightning or something

plus i’d hate to suffer the negative consequences like Don Elkins
when he already paved that road
he already suffered to walk that path
but idk, sometimes i devout too much of my time to things that don’t help me and my family in this world
i find it very rewarding but it may be approaching an imbalance

i really need to figure out the situation with my wife
many problems that have arisen in the past, i can see them peeking their eyes thru the soil
casing the place
and selectively popping up most often during times of comfort

sometimes ill get signs, like she will tell me that she used to be number 87 in softball for her team the FLAMES when she was a young girl
and i’m like “if thats not the universe telling me you’re the devil i don’t know what is! 8+7=15! 15 in the tarot! the fucking FLAMES! cmon!” haha

but i’m not worried
perhaps i let my happiness define too much of my reality
and when i actually pay attention i can see some off the boards in the boat are beginning to show signs of strain
i mean, i don’t think i’ve ever been happier in my life
surely never as excited
and for what?
not a fucking thing on the horizon
in fact bad news seems to be piling up
but i can’t be sold on it

fundamentally at our root, my wife and i seem to be growing towards separate suns
and although often not the most effective technique, i tend to be blunt and cold and practice what could be perceived as tough love
i tried explaining to my wife that its not tough love, i’m not even interested in gauging her love because it does not apply. i know she loves me and i love her
and her body? i love her body. like for real… i fucking love dat ass haha

but its not her body or her heart that causes me great pain
its the mind that is seemingly left unattended most of the time

i tried to break it down to her in an analogy that i don’t know is accurate at all haha
but i was like, you know, trying to explain the Godhead to her, in relation to our relationship
0=Monad
1=Spirit
2=Son

and that when you speak of the Godhead its not equal parts 1 Monad, 1 Spirit, 1 Son but instead the sum of 0+1+2 that gives us the 3

for the Monah, or the Creator God is the 0. And the 0 is an unbreakable circle
the 0 is nothing. the 0 is no “thing”, it predates “things”

the 1 is the spirit, and it is represented as a LINE descending down from the 0
that line was given the numerical value of the number 1, but we also see that singular line in the (-) negative symbol

next is the 2, or the son of the 0 and the 1. the 2 is represented by 2 intersecting lines (+) or (t)

So the 1 and the 2 are recordable, we can see them
lets call 1 Sarah
and lets call 2 me
the etheric force that is the 0, the logos, the love

so together, our relationship, in my analogy, is the Godhead
so i’m explaining “We will exist, we will be fine. We are the 1 and the 2. But our relationship? Our love? Thats the unseen force thats keeping everything together. Thats our bond that we’ve created. This bond surely exists of 7 elements of light. Affection. Trust. Surely 5 more. All those make up this unseen bond. Its like an atom (at this point i’m talking out my ass) with some neutrons and protons, the unseen element holding this whole fucking world together!!! It all depends on how strongly that unseen force is charged…”
at this point shes looks like i’m asking her to solve a math problem
“…so the unseen element thats allowing us to exist as a couple has been getting the shit kicked out of it. Trust took a major fucking blow. Its not that I don’t love you, i’m here ain’t I? Just the quality of our love is being compromised. Its being compromised by your service to self ego son! you got the fucking devil in you!!”
idk wtf i’m gonna do
she makes bomb ass smoothies and some big fake ass titties
andd she also owns two of my children
what can i say, i’m head over heals for this bitch
actually today out of nowhere, right after we we’re fighting
she randomly dropped me off some Carls Jrs, just out of the kindness of her heart
her sister who is visiting from Utah wanted food, so she got me a meal and just ran it up to the door real quick
I was like “wtf did you get my this poison bullshit for?” haha
but it was sweet
not the food, the food was shit
but the thought was sweet
i wouldnt do that

I told her “I fucking love you, and I love that you look out for my ass, but too often you want to be the catalyst of gifting. Why the fuck did you get me jeans for christmas? i was gonna get that shit anyway, and personally pick out the color that I WANTED, but instead you wanted to tag your name on that shit, like a fucking hunter tags an elk, and you offer it under the guise of a gift. Its a fucking practical item!”
cause she throws that shit in my face
like ill do my own laundry, i prefer it
but she will get mad, and claim that it will, idk wtf she says, something about it hurting her value as a woman
i mean, i appreciate it, but honestly, i’d rather do my own and not have it thrown in my face that if it wasnt for her i would have no clean clothes, which isn’t true
you know, you can’t just go throwing around non truths
actually, i don’t give a shit, its a pretty good deal
she does my laundry and i have to take a weekly ear beating
fuuck it

ok well i think thats about it for this week
if anyone reads this that wants to hit me up, fucking email me homie
sophoxymoria@gmail.com
preferably if you have huge juggs and don’t mind sharing selfies or know anything about past life readings haha jk jk
i don’t care who you are, as long as its positive haha

oh and if anyone wants to help me with my site, please feel free to offer suggestions
not in the comments though haha embarrassing
 

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12 thoughts on “re-ingrafted gadfly gadding about

  1. you have the best set of tags i’ve ever seen.
    good read, man…you have a lot going on.
    be patient with your mom, if you can. it’s a lot to deal with (it’s hit my family twice) and i’m sure it’s hard to talk to her son about….
    thanks for visiting my blog, too. i wish you the best and will be following your story….

  2. What epiphany did I have the other day? Oh yeah, this is the stuff of Life. Trying to rethink my own situation. In a lot of ways, I’m lucky. I’ve been shaken from my complacency; given the chance to see beyond the bullshit, embrace what is really important.

    You can analyze the hell out of something but sometimes an embrace is all you need.

    Sending good thoughts your way, sophox.

    -kk

  3. WTF are you doing messing around with all the shit that you’re messing around with, Boo? ABORT. ABORT. ABORT.

    Channeling? Nigga?? Are you kidding me? That shit is real. I messed around in that stuff many, many years ago and practically opened up the portal of hell. I was literally driven from my home one night with my little boy. Do not get twisted up in that shit.

    I’m not kidding. I risk sounding boss a.f. and judgmental… but I speak from experience… plus I like you. You’re probably my most interesting reader and I like the way your brain works. What I am saying is from some SERIOUS experience.

    I’m sorry about your Mom, but she is going to be alright. I really feel led to tell you that she will be fine. You just need to keep the faith and quit spending your time and energy over-analyzing all this extraneous next level bullshit.

    Your brain… it doesn’t stop much or grant you too much rest, does it? Mine either! 8+7=15… That’s the SAME thing I would do! And then I’d say it was spiritually significant or that it was a sign or some bullshit because “15” was the day in August of 2001 when I discovered that my mom had killed her and had been laying there for three days. STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! You’re going to drive yourself bat-shit crazy and you’re going to open yourself and your family up to some real dark shit. I promise. I care about you. It’s sound loco, but I do. And I have the best rack ever… so you should listen to me! I’m here for you…. Let your mind rest and talk to God. I cursed him out 2 weeks ago and called Him every name in the book.

    He can take it. Because he’s God. He doesn’t want religious, Pharisaical, puppets who repeat the same prayer callously before dinner time. He wants a REAL relationship with you. He wants it RAW. Cry out!

    Ava

    • pshh… what’s the worst that could happen
      buut about that best rack ever… prove it !! =) jk jk
      while i find most channelling contradicts each other
      they def help me with my conceptualization
      and that was my only experience with it so far lol
      mostly i just read other peoples channels
      but you gotta tell me, what happened to you with your channelling experience?!?!

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