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Its been too long, I know this
other than some random bullshit posts I haven’t really sat down and focused on writing my blog
idk what to talk about
thanksgiving was good
much of the same
same people
same arguments

its sad because i really wanted to have a great time but unfortunately i was taken out by my ego once again
i guess i kind of left upset, at least that was the impression that was giving
listen, I was tired as fuck, it was late
I usually wake up around 4 to 5 am
the steelers had just lost on some bullshit call on the late thanksgiving day game
(if you really must know, LeVeon Bell, the Steelers rookie running back and quite possibly the answer to the running game that we have so desperately been waiting for, got knocked the fuck out on the goalline as he was going in for the easy score because some dickhead safety hit him with the crown of his helmet, which is what caused Bell’s helmet to fly off apparently ruling the play instantly dead before his lifeless body crashed over the goalline. they scored 2 plays later but missed the 2pt conversion to tie the game. I gotta think they make it if they give them the score on the initial crossing of the ball over the line. why would I think that? well because i’m a steelers fan)
we’d been playing cards all day
crazy 8s
i had been over eating all day
finally towards the end of the night I got up to take a leak
thats when I snapped haha

I saw, above the toilet, a little framed saying from II Corinthians
now, don’t get me wrong, I think Id actually consider myself Christian
but it happened to be a text written in like some sort of paint brush calligraphy with the word FAITH a few font sizes bigger than the rest of the verse

nothing pisses me off more, ya know?
so i returned from the bathroom
it was probably 9pm, my grandma had left, no one was playing cards anymore
in fact everyone was in the front room watching fucking duck dynasty of all things
we nearly changed Kassius middle name because it was one of the guys names on duck dynasty
fuck that show
anyway, all the kids were tired from running around all day
id consider the day wrapped up

so i take my uncle aside, my father’s twin brother
and I go, “Hey, c’mon man, you don’t actually buy that bullshit about being saved by faith alone do you?”
He looks at me appalled
now I know that sounds like a dickhead thing to say to him, my uncle whom I love very much
but cmon, its 2013, lets not be Ignoramuses
he thinks that the bible was assembled by God somehow and that every word he reads is perfect. He has no desire to read correct translations. He assures me that we ARE saved by faith alone.
“Why cause Paul wrote it in one of his letters to a church? Paul, a gnostic, who never met Jesus-”
“oh Paul met Jesus!”
“Paul had an encounter with the Christ a couple decades after he was crucified in a revelation. He never met Yahshua”
“Who?”
“Jesus”
“So what? You think Paul is lying? You are calling Paul a liar?!”
“No. No. WTF?! I’m saying Paul developed Christianity independently from the sect of Jesus and his disciples. He did not meet James and Peter until about 50 AD. I’m saying, why not read the true teachings of Jesus and his people rather than from a guy who seems to contradict the message that was coming out of Jesus’ camp.”
“Show me in the bible where it says that. You CAN’T!”
“Gladly, get me a bible.”
“Why? You don’t believe in the bible. you think its full of lies”
This is where I get mad. When my words are twisted. “I’m saying its full of Allegory and that you have to know HOW to read the bible so that you may perceive and not just see. He who has ears let him hear!”
“Michael, have you ever even read the WHOLE bible? Ive read it 4 times cover to cover.” Now even though i’m a fucking master at recognizing the ego pop up, it still hurts me when my uncle starts to think that this is a pissing competition between him and I

“OMG you fucking christians always keeping track of how many times youve read the bible. You are no better than star wars geeks keeping movie stubs. If you can’t recognize the allegory, as your Paul states the bible is written in in Galatians, then you can read it a million times and I don’t have to worry about you having a better understanding than I do. I’m not afraid of your bible, open it up to any page and we can go over it, and I can explain it to you. Its universal truth for mankind.”

my brother was sitting right next to me, i forgot to add his dialogue. He wasnt really saying shit, just kind of agreeing with me.
I asked my uncle “So do you believe that there will be an ACTUAL rapture? the people buried in the ground will suddenly dig their way up out of the ground?”
“I do”
my brother let out a gasp. It was good to have the support even in gasp form.
“What a shitty way to live, to have been poisoned with that false knowledge”
“In the bible it says-”
“who says it?”
“IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS… ::quotes some part he has chosen to take literal:: “

“Ok thats fine. Its your journey, thats fine. I’m just saying Paul says we are saved by faith alone while Jesus said ‘Love the Lord with your 3 bodies, your mind, body and soul’ NOT just your mind! and that blind faith you have is only a fraction of your mind, you need knowledge! The Revelation of John of Patmos was written as a guide for the initiate, not to have its symbolism misinterpreted by some goon in his Office listening to some polluted Charlatan on Christian radio.”
“And how do you know? How do you know your way is THE way?”
“My way IS your way! The Godhead! The Christ!”
“Huh?”
“The trinity. The cross. I just want to know why if you worship Jesus, why don’t you look up the gospels of the people that he was walking with? The Gospels of James and Thomas.
“Oh where? ON THE INTERNET?!” I can see him high fiving himself in his head like he thought he just really got me with a zinger
“Yes, the open exchange of free information. The internet. Yes.”

My uncle busted that same shit idea that the Jehovah Witnesses hit you with. They are mind fucked into thinking that we are living in the end of days. In fact thats one of his favorite fantasies. I told him he reminds me of my friend who used to be a betting fiend.
I went over his house the other day to watch football and I asked him if he was still betting?
I think he was dropping like a grand a weekend
and hes like “fuckk no, you see all the teams losing this year?”
and i’m like “50%?”
like no matter what there will be two poles
if you hold up a basketball to the light, only one side of that ball can be in light
its mathematical
its not like 85% of the world is bad or 65% is good
it just is
half the people are going to be controlled by their self gratifying behavior
half the people will be focused on selflessness
well not 50%, but 100% of people are thrown about on this earth fall on the scale
some towards the middle, some towards the edge
but the main thing we have is free will

so when you discount your own free will and unburden yourself by believing that your name is already written in some physical book, youre pissing away your greatest opportunity for soul development
The christian has been duped into believing a sky man will come down and make their suffering go away
when it is clearly stated by Paul in Romans 8 that we must awaken the Christ within, a gnostic idea

But anyway, back to the discussion
At this point my dad walks over and breaks it up. He stands next to my uncle and chirps in his 2 cents “I think Ron is a Good person, he is a Great dad, a great Grandfather. He gives to charity.”
“Who gives a fuck? We are not called to be GOOD people. THAT is where the Christian messed up, believing that if you are generally good and you have faith that you will walk with the Heavenly Father, while Jesus is trying to prepare us for a harvest of the soul where the people who have done the WORKS and activated that consciousness of the Christ can be re-membered with the pure light.”
“easy… easy…” my dad and brother echo
I look around and it seems that the whole house is staring at me. Shaking their heads. They all have that look on their face like I just tripped a slow kid in the quad to make my friends laugh. Like they witnessed an injustice.

I get up. The pressure was too much. I give my uncle a hug. I ask my wife if she is ready to go? it is getting late. As I leave I see my uncle and my brother chatting. I walk past them. My wife is on her way out to the car behind me. She hears my brother apologizing for me “Yeah, idk, hes just really into numerology”
Idk wtf that has to do with anything but whatever.

Two days later I get a call from my uncle
“I know I said a lot of things I regret, and I know you probably did too” I couldn’t think of anything I said that I regretted. “Maybe we shouldnt have these conversations at family events for now on.”
That makes me livid because I know as soon as we left they were all probably saying shit like I ruined the night. Listen you fucks, I didnt even want to come to your crappy event but I do it for the tradition. Literally the only reason I like going to thanksgiving is because I know I can talk with my uncle. I enjoy talking to my uncle because he believes in God. If you realize how fucking crazy that is, then its kind of cool to engage people in these crazy stories they believe. Or that they have personified the message or knowledge. Its interesting.

Just like Paul said, the Galatians began taking the bible literally and he was breaking down how Abraham having two children, one to a bondwoman and one to a freewoman was allegory
Hagar and Sarah probably represented you being born unto either the earth or the spirit
You could be born a slave to your ego and you could be born unto Christ
I think
wtf do I know though, ya know?

I went to my psychic development class the other day and one of the guys gave me a reading
he said “You are seeking truth and knowledge, but the people around you aren’t receiving the message you are trying to speak”
I was like “NAILED IT!” in my head, but that connection was too obvious

It was actually a fun class
I don’t think i’m psychic at all, I just like going to the class
this last class I think I was too high
usually it is kinda a group thing
but this time we paired up

my partner was middle aged with a ponytail
it blows my mind how these people are able to perform readings
but I remain skeptical

it was funny because when he was giving me my reading I was trying to stare into his left eye
I read somewhere that one of your eyes receives and one sends
so I was trying to lock onto this guys message but I couldnt remember which eye to focus on
I choose the left
now that I think about it, i was actually his right
but I locked on, which both my eyes onto his eye that was on my left
and as he explained what he read, for like the first 5 minutes, I just stayed glued

then about halfway through I started thinking that I was staring at the wrong eye this whole time
so I go to the other eye, but this one feels weird so I go back to the other one
then as hes talking I drift up to where his third eye might be
his mouth is still moving but now i’m staring at his hairline

then I snap back into the moment and start thinking, fuck, i didn’t put in visine, my eyes are probably hella red
my pupils are probably gynormous
this dudes probably reading all my thoughts in real time haha

it was cool though
my partner used to be a DJ in southern California
he moved up here and I guess has set up a studio for his drum circle
he said he used to interview bands
I asked him why doesnt he start a podcast?
he said he may
maybe I could help, idk

anyway, I quit my job at the feedmill
well not really quit just called in a few days until they replaced me
i’m sure i could go back
i was just so torn
environmentally, it was damn near the worst, inhaling all the dust from the mill
i mean, you’d have to see it with your own eyes, but you know how you see a beam of the sun and you can see all the particles in the light? well times that by a million each and every day, but replace the little harmless particles with hormones and who knows what else.
like, if i’m fucking conflicted over eating the meat that the feed produces, why should i not be conflicted about working there?
it was getting really cold in the mornings and my back was starting to act up
fuck it, ya know?
I was never going to pass the hair follicle drug test to get hired on
they treated getting hired on like it was winning the lotto
BFD, you make like 12 an hour and you will probably get cancer by 35
i’m not worried
in fact, i’m just going with the flow
I can’t wait to move out of this fucking cow town
10 more months on the lease and then hopefully we can move back to SoCal
or maybe Salt Lake, idk yet

Sarah bought a new computer so maybe I can shine up my resume
amazon has a few warehouse openings
thats like saying this beer is too strong, give me some scotch
how the fuck could I be conflicted about working at a mill and not at a global economic giant? haha
fuck that place too
they are going to start deploying drones to deliver packages over here soon
flash forward 10 years they have a school child drop off drone
flash forward 10 more years we’re in matrix cocoons haha

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2 thoughts on “thankstaking

  1. Wow, Michael.

    Once again, I am rendered . . .

    something.

    Writing about your uncle and all that, because why? Trying to make sense of it to yourself, I’m guessing. This blog is letting you do that. Or vent. Or both. Question, or confess, maybe. Lay it out there, like Wtf, look what just happened. As in, Can you believe it? Seriously?

    Yeah, I can. Don’t know if a thank you for sharing is appropriate, but what the hell.

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