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Winters still months away
in fact its still hot as fuck outside
so why does it so gloomy?
maybe because its getting darker earlier again now
da fuck?
when did that shit start happening?
I must remain positive though
well, at least not negative
I don’t know what the fuck that would be
impartial?
surely that cannot be good for the health

my neighbor just came over
something about his internet being down and him not having his maps saved to his xbox
or licensing
I was very unclear about the whole situation
first he accidently shut off my whole livingroom power strip
then he had to leave and hes like
“yo you mind if leave my console here?”
what do i care?
he was gone for like 20 minutes then he came back
we talked for awhile and smoked
at one point he literally asked me “have you ever heard of The Secret?”
like he was about to impart some cheat code on me
“the book OR the movie?”
“Uh yeah, ive heard of both haha”
He looked at me like I was putting him on
Its the look everyone gets when they ask if someone has heard of the Secret before
like “are you going to be the one to break it down to me?”
it wasn’t all that bad
kinda motivational
its fun to see someone else who is really fucking lost
he told me I need to stop smoking weed
nothing worse than hearing that when you’re smoking someone out
but hes right
although, to be fair I think he was just trolling for my number one passion
like if I had said “Jeez Jimmy, you know what really does it for me? massage parlor handjobs”
he would have been like “you know how much more shit you’d get done if you take whatever happy thing you have in your life and turn it into a cold hard get shit done attitude”
I get it
Is it that simple though?
and really, if I did give up these things holding me back
wouldn’t that just be like dangling the carrot further in front of my own nose
cause LORD knows I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my earthly successes without my good friend Mary Jane at the end of the day
I’m just supposed to be some wealthy millionaire tycoon type swimming in my coins stone cold sober?
sounds like hell
it wouldn’t matter anyway
the thing i like about the ganga is, its just mine
like regardless of your perceptions, its fucking mine
I get to stare at all the imperfections on my face in the mirror alone all by myself cause I’M the one whose high as fuck
like I get the personal inner monologue time to keep myself sane

being high is like hanging around a friend who talks shit about you all the time lol
your can just be standing there looking at yourself
and then out of nowhere youll notice like the most random shit
like I have this small mole under one of my eyes that I never really noticed
and now its annoying the shit out of me haha

but i suppose thats not good
I was talking to my wife about that
her ex sister law left a bunch of her jeans over her moms house before she left to Hawaii
so you know, my wife was gonna take that shit down to the thrift store and sell them haha
but as we’re driving she was like “I’m so nervous, I don’t know what to do.”
and i’m like “Who gives a fuck? Who fucking cares what some dipshit working the counter thinks of you, just take your bag of shit, smack it on the table and announce this is your first time here. You see thats what pisses me off about you. We’re driving here, we could be talking about some deep shit ya know? You’re worried about some lame ass shit like what the fuck at the THRIFT STORE is going to think about you. What are you going to be shamed out of there? Ill be the getaway in idle while you bolt in and see how long you can handle the embarrassment before you flee. Like, look at that fucking mountain over there. Fucking crazy bro. We could have been observing that crazy mountain. God’s great work. You’re brain will just invent shit to be scared of just to keep you from taking in the present moment”
I’m really going off on her
Its more in a friendly way
the way I would talk to my friend
I think she knows that
sometimes I catch her thinking i’m a lunatic and then I have to do the equivalent of whatever adding “lol” to the end of your text in real life
I have to like laugh real hard and then shake it off haha
i don’t know
but really I should be screaming that shit in my own face because all I do all day is take my mind out wandering
we don’t really get much done these days

I feel like I feel better than I should
like i feel bad that i’m this happy
I don’t think I deserve it
I havent really earned it
if that is in fact how you get happiness, by earning it?

I think its true what they say
“something something Gratitude”
works for me most of the time
even when I’m really pissed, like when my wife and I are arguing, i’m like Got damn i’m lucky I got a hot wife to argue with
you know?
I could knocked up some bitch with rheumatoid arthritis or something
you know she’d probably be an asshole in an argument
people always bring up the thing they are most insecure about
so she’d probably attack you by being like “ohhhh big bad limber asshole over here? whatcha gonna do? cmon hit me motherfucker!!”
like my wife man, if I ever pay for something, she will let me know
like “ohhh I didnt know if you wanted me to drink the almond chocolate milk since you bought that with your money”
like wtf bro, why is that number even running in that equation
just drink the soy milk and gtfoh haha

well I have some good news!
no the baby is not here yet
but were moving out of the ghetto!
I feel like this day would never come
well it hasn’t came yet
in about 2 weeks
so hopefully from the time I post this til then I would be murdered in a botched home robbery
if you want your mind blown
go to crimemapping.com and find Modesto CA
then find Cesar Chavez Park
filter all the crimes that occurred in the past month
your fucking computer will die
and this shit is around a PARK
an open field
this isn’t some high rise housing 1000s of people haha
fucking blows my mind
but its cool
whatever
I haven’t seen any crime myself
I mean I hear the sirens all day long
but i’ve never witnessed or been apart of any tomfoolery
 
we are moving back to Turlock
booooooooooooring
but its closer to some of our family so fuuck
I probably won’t be able to move back to southern california for another year or so either
unless we break the lease
it will be cool though
it has a garage
maybe my wife will LET me have some friends over in the garage
probably not lol
I just looking forward to putting whatever I want up in my garage
I think my wife is thinking i’m gonna have a neon budweiser sign and a confederate flag
I’m thinking more classy
perhaps I just may commissioned a wall sized montage of all the presidents buttfucking their first ladies
or at least all the fat presidents

Oh I did my fantasy football draft
i’m so fucking pissed
I mean, I like my team, I got a lot of the players I wanted
but I invite my old friend Josh to join my league
a friend whom I’ve grown up with
a solid person
before the draft we go to this bar and i’m trying to talk to him about his strategy
this fucking guy doesn’t know a damn thing about fantasy football
I think he only knows 49ers player
so we’re drinking
and i’m talking to him, i’m like
“This is a 2 QB league. Each week we have to start 2 QBs! You understand? You want to get at least one elite QB on your roster. So maybe a few rounders earlier than what all the experts are saying, take a QB. You don’t want to get stuck with 2 shitty QBs.”
“yeah… uhh huh… uhhh huh” just nodding his heading agreeing with me
“So, we don’t know the draft order yet, so just pick out some players to keep an eye on” Im showing him his own fantasy guide like a waiter showing some kid the menu.
I’m like “Over here we have Running Backs and Receivers” haha
idk wtf i was saying word for word haha but anyway
I lean in like a true friend and I whisper in his ear “I’m going QB early EARLY… Another thing… in this league rushing yards are scored the same from RBs as it is QBs. 1 point every 10 yards rushing. If you get one of these Pistol QBs, pshhh… just think about it.”

So in my head i’m thinking Kaepernick or RG3 in the 2-3
I don’t know where there ADP was but I know it was much lower than that
So round one comes up
were at this pizza place, Juras, doing our draft
were all drinking, having a good time
I think Josh is the only new guy
oh wait, there was this other douche Micah
he is new to the Football league but he is in my Baseball league
mother fucker still hasn’t paid league dues

but anyway
we finally draw draft order, Josh drafts 3rd
I draft 4th
So round 1 starts
Idk who he picked but I picked Calvin Johnson with my 4th pick
the way I feel
I’d rather have the number 1 WR over the number 4 RB
the draft is done in the style of snaking
so it comes back to me, and using my same logic
in round 2, I go best available TE Jimmy Graham
now i’m fairly happy
In every other draft I’ve never held off this long on RB but whatever

So now Josh is up
picking in the 3 slot in round 2
now the way this works is he will have 2 picks before my next pick because it snakes
so who do you think this mother fucker picks?
BACK to BACK picks he goes
Round 2) KAEPERNICK
Round 3) RGIII

I coulda slugged my own friend in the ear I was so mad haha
what a peice of shit
at least give me 1!!!!!!
and you didn’t have to take a QB THAT fucking high genius

I only like drafting guys that I really enjoy watching playing
I got stuck with fucking Matt Schaub and Andy Dalton as my QBs
i’m so fucked
my backup is EJ Manuel and I got so scared that I actually picked up Terrelle Pryor

before I bore you anymore with fantasy talk I gotta drop the roster

QB Schaub
QB Dalton
RB DeMarco Murray
RB Reggie Bush
WR Calvin Johnson
WR Julio Jones
TE Jimmy Graham
FLEX DeSean Jackson

and on my bench I got Tavon Austin, TY Hilton, Cordarrelle Patterson, DeAndre Hopkins and some other assholes
kinda young
I’m not too confident going in this year haha
Its was a 50 buy in, so I think winner gets 300, 2nd place 150, 3rd place 50
but I win money every year
these old country folk don’t know what the fuck they are doing
fuck, one kid has never finished top 8 and hes still back each year giving his $50
I think one of the new guys has some sort of disorder mentally
when we were at my fantasy baseball draft he kept saying the same phrase over and over
then theres a guy with one leg
actually he wasn’t in the league, he was just helping another guy draft
a jeweler
a couple lineman
a good group of guys

I’m glad how my team turned out
I mean, there will be some big waiver wire pick up I will probably have to make
but I should do well
Desean Jackson is going to have a big year in Chip Kelly’s offense. Hes going to be their go-to-guy for sure passing, and hopefully he will do a lot more running too.
i’m kind of biased since he is my favorite player
omg look at me I sound like a 13 year old schoolgirl haha
“he’s’s my favorite player”
can “apostrophe S” represent a lisp? haha

And you know Julio Jones is going to have a big year
you want to know the real reason I drafted him?
well he is a great player don’t get me wrong
one of the best even
but the real reason I drafted this kid
number 11
master number
I think some of these superstars know this
you know?
they aren’t idiots when it comes to their career
all those greasy steroid pushers are now hanging out behind dumpsters out at smoky nightclubs like “hey you. KID! hey man… hey man, whats good? have I got the new NEW shit son. Im talking numerology. Take yo game to the next level!”
haha it can’t hurt right?
I’m pumped Markus Wheaton is number 11 for the Steelers
Tavon Austin is number 11 and hes going to be a badass
Fitz
who else?
Julio, I already said him
ummm
oh my boy Quinton Patton for the 49ers
oh Percy Harvin with Seattle
and although i’m not currently too fond of the guy
Mike Wallace changed his number to 11 when he joined the Dolphins
fucking crazy
And also Shamarko Thomas #29 reduces to 11 lol
he is this rookie safety we drafted in the 3rd round
I have extremely high hopes for him
he has it all, the troubled childhood
raising like 4 brothers and sisters after his parents died when he was like 17
I can’t remember exactly how the story went but I know it was real heartbreaking
he plays like a heat seeking missile and he has a year to learn behind 2 of the smartest safeties in the league

you know who is going to be a fucking game changer?
my boy Markus Wheaton
I say it like we grew up together lol
but he’s going to be a gamer, mark my word
and in college he was number 2, so now he is going to be an 11 which is similar
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY_G2PWoTMw]
gangsta? am I right? 

actually, when I was a kid I did meet an NFL player
well besides Lester Hayes who was always signing autographs at local grocery stores
In fact, Lester Hayes sang some christmas jingle for the jeweler my friend works for haha
but I met a guy before he was an NFLer

my father went Atwater high
so growing up him and his twin brother would go watch their games if they were any good
naturally I would come
well one year they had this kid Eddie Macha I think his name was
some white WR
well he was a badass, so after the game my brother and I and sometimes a neighbor kid would run out onto the field after the games and ask this kid Eddie and this junior WR named Bernard Berrian for their nike wristbands
surprisingly these HS kids would actually give them to us
we literally thought they were superstars, ya know
I was probably 12
but I was 12 in the 90s which is like being 7 now days
I was a real dumbass haha

anyway the next year Berrian was a senior and he was destroying teams
he always gave us wristbands that year too
then he went to Fresno State with David Carr
he end up getting drafted in the 3rd round by the bears
and eventually he’d go on to sign like a 40 something million dollar contract I believe
this kid from Winton where my grandma lives
it was crazy
but one time on the 4th of July when I was like 21 I saw him at this Atwater community shindig
I go up to him, and he has the biggest diamond earrings i’ve ever seen, I go up to him, and i’m like “What’s up man? Huge fan, Huge fan, listen man, do you remember me? I used to ask for your wristbands when you we’re in high school?”
And he looks at me, and i’m shitfaced drunk, its like 1pm, but everyone in the whole town is drunk
but he looks at me and hes like “uhh yeahhh yeahhh” like he has no fucking clue who I am
but he was real cool
real nice guy
I found him on instagram
I only follow like 8 people
Devin Brugman haha
some football players
but I saw Patrick Peterson reply to @bernardberrian
and i’m like gtfoh, he has a instagram?
so now I follow him

Jeez Louise this has gone off the rail
lets hope to G-d I edit all this out

remember how I was talking about how everything I own breaks
my fucking vap pen broke
i’m downright distraught
I wrote Vapor Dab, apparently they are local right here in Delhi
idk what the fuck happened, I just picked it up and it looked like the top was all loose
upon further inspection I “Lenny’ed” it
or whichever was the guy who couldn’t pet a rabbit’s head without breaking its neck
I feel like God is breaking my belongings
some kind of Job scenario
where if he breaks every escape I have I will be forced to realize my potential
like, I had 3 ps3 remotes
and literally ALL of them are broken
I’m was in some online league in Madden
and i’m running the table 16-0 undefeated season
making a fucking super bowl run
with one controller my R1 is out, can’t throw to my TE
one I just randomly hurdle and pitch the ball to anyone behind me
and then one the up button does work so I can’t hot route
basically i’m trying to game plan each game to see which disadvantage i could tolerate more
eventually in another failed attempt to “fix” all three, I made each considerable worse
now one is in half with its guts spilled out
the other is loose as fuck
and the other one, i’m  just done with it, I can’t deal with it
so all that shit happened
I still beat all the peices of shit in my league
and you know what, these pussies couldn’t even fire off a congratulations message
the commish retired halfway thru the league
handed it over to the guy i was playing in the superbowl
he resigned half way thru the game
it was like 50 something to 20 something
i was just pummeling the shit out of this guy
like sometimes, i’ll tell my wife when i’m in the middle of a game, i’ll be like “Ohhh, this guy is gonna fucking quit on me”
too much good shit will go my way
idk why, it just always happens
like in madden once you got a guy down, you just drop your OLBs in the flats but stay in man, and don’t let him have the middle
people self implode
i’ll play against guys who throw 8 picks before they rage quit
but anyway

da fuck was i talking about?
ah all my shit breaking, the recurring theme in my life

ohh you know what I noticed
I don’t know if this is true but I was noticing shit about the 9 vibration I think
I could be so fucking off for all I know
but heres how I THINK it works
each letter in your name represents a vibrations that you will have for 9 years
IDK if its exactly, in fact i’m fairly sure i’m totally wrong
but lets just say i’m right
so my name is michael
so for my first 9 years I was under the M vibration which is a 4
then then next 9 in the I vibration which happens to be a 9
well IDK how I started noticing this
and I don’t think its exactly 9 years, I think i’m fucking it up pretty bad
Idk, I have this book called numerology and the divine triangle
but anyway
I noticed people seemed to lose their minds if they had an R in their age that roughly correlates to that 9 year window
this kid at work, Brandon, we we’re getting stoned on our first break at 8:45am
and he was telling me “ah bud, you shoulda seen my rap sheet when I was a kid. I was crazy as fuck until I was about 18”
so i’m like “ah of course, you we’re under that fucking R”
“yeah whatever” and then he started telling about how one time he accidently hand fed his dog a shit load of hash crystals
but next time you see someone going off the rails, check if they are under that R

aaRon hernandez (the R in the 3 9 year cycle)
tRayvon martin
coRy monteith (after the R phase I think)

i’m not saying everyone dies or kills someone during that stage, but i have a theory that you go bat shit crazy under the R
my friend Carlos was crazy as shit from 18-27
my wife Sarah was crazy as fuck from 18-27
like literally a fucking lunatic

and I was a real asshole when I was under the 9 vibration of I
like I said I have no clue if i’m reading all this shit wrong and i’m completely fucked

well I don’t know, just pay attention and see if its a thing
I feel like I had more examples when I was higher hahaha

I’m going to try to start writing more often
I don’t know wtf is going on lol
I started like 4 blogs and then just never finished them and I don’t like writing about old shit that happened a few days back and passing it off as brand new like it just happened
in fact this fucking blog started like 4 days ago and its just finishing
hopefully my neighbor has his internet back up by now haha
ok well bye for now!!!!
=)
 

10 thoughts on “some shit about football

  1. I liked your piece. A bit long but interesting. —I’m not a prude but Orwell has an essay–and the title escapes me wherein he talks about cursing has having a power to their words because they are ‘taboo’–not the word I wanted but its early in the am–Kept from being over used they retain their mythic and mystic power toi do what they were meant to do , be expletives of utter dismay. When you use a word over and over again in mundane fashion you disipate that power and they simply become stagnant incursions into demeaning the user. Your writing-to me -would be easier to digest without that jarring. You do what you want. Perhaps you feel it sets you apart, or shows your rebellious nature towards the restrictions of society. What ever the reasons, have a nice day.>KB

  2. Re: annotating’s response. I don’t know about that. This ramble here, touching on different subjects, each with a definitive vibe going, I don’t mind it. Stream of consciousness writing without too much self-editing going on, if any. Going with the flow as they say.

    Once again, Michael, right? I find your blog most interesting although I did kind of glaze over at the football part because that’s not my cup of tea. But yeah, I’m drawn to your writing. I appreciate the honesty of it, the cadence, word choice. Structure. What you’re saying, trying to do. . .

    What are you trying to do? 🙂

    Anyway, it brings to mind a main character in one of my novels. He gets loose, goes off on himself, wonders wtf, how the hell did I get to this place? You’re a lot happier though, sounds like.

    I’m glad.

    -kk

  3. Hilarious. However, your fantasy league football team draft selections suck IMO . . . How’s that working out for you? Dude, you ALWAYS select a RB in the 1st round. By the by, Schaub had his ass handed to him this weekend (I hope you’ve already dropped him).

    Regarding happiness, Carlos knows what he is talking about . . .

    “The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”
    ― Carlos Castaneda

    Love the “stream of consciousness” aspect of your blog, i.e., no one else does it the way you do it. Keep being you.

    Steve

    • 4-0, 2nd place
      although that shit is gonna change this week unless Julio Jones puts up like 40
      yahoo gave me an F on my draft lol

      its a two QB league so I should have went QB earlier I think
      Im shuffling Dalton, Schaub and Pryor
      I just cut EJ Manuel
      I think im going to the waiver wire for Foles this week

      Ive tried to shore up my RB pos.
      I traded for Ridley, that hasnt worked out
      some dumbass (or genius) cut David Wilson and I swooped him up
      he fucked up his neck lol

      I picked up Jon Franklin, he got negative points
      I trade for Lamar Miller, he hasnt really done shit
      I actually started LaG Blount this week, he fucked me
      Ive been trying to trade Demarco Murray cause im not a fan
      Reggie Bush has already missed a game

      its a clusterfuck to say the least

      drafting a TE has actually not looked like such a bad move
      it would have been less painful if I hadnt also drafted Jordan Cameron
      his points looked nice on my bench
      but you think I would ever start a TE and then run one out at FLEX? fuck that

      well now I have too many RBs and im trying to upgrade at QB
      Josh Freeman is on the waiver wire
      how depressing lol

      • Good deal (yeah, your TE Graham is good). I didn’t play FL football this season . . . Most difficult FL to play due to injuries and players relying on other players, e.g., I had Fitzgerald, All World receiver – but he always has a chump throwing to him. Also had Adrian Peterson at RB the year he did a face plant (injuries and just plain sucked). Fast forward last year, he is All World again. Pfffttt!

        I won my 2 baseball leagues this season and will play basketball in a few weeks, where I usually do good. Again, great blog!

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