ok well I think I figured out my problem

I got no plan!!

Every time I sit down to write a blog

I get nice and comfortably stoned

I start writing about some bullshit or another

I begin to do a little research as to not sound like a total fucking idiot

Inevitably I quickly get side-tracked by some video of the latest ‘Teen Mom’ to botch her attempt to capitalize on thier fleeting public acknowledgement 

I cant fucking do it

Oh also my problem is I write in Google Docs, and then copy and paste it into WordPress

Thats always a huge fucking mess

But there is too much editing going on

And then there is also all my criticisms of what Ive written about

I end up spending half the day writing, the other half debating

The next morning im like “fuck it! ill just start a new one” haha

Then I log into WordPress and I have like 2 views on the day lol


Oh man, I wanted to post a picture here I took

but I accidentally left the volume up on my phone, as well as the flash

So my wife and I are sitting across from each other on the couch one night

I pull out my phone to take a quick picture of my laptop

But I kind of wanted to do it secretly

You know, I dont want my wife reading my blog so Im trying to keep it a secret haha

Not that im hiding anything, just kind of embarrassing lol

So im trying to be conspicuous and sly

And my phone makes that huge “Click” noise

And the flash lights up the whole room

Im sitting there like “nothing to see here” lol

But the picture I was attempting to post was that wordpress google search logger

Some poor motherfucker came to my blog because he typed into google

“my brother and my wife fuck behind my back”

go ahead google it, im like 2nd page.

Is google trying to tell me something haha


I dont know if this is true, but I assume it has to be eventually

but I heard that soon google will know if your son is gay before any parent could possibly know

Just by like, fucking google searches

your boy frequents dance tutorials and downloads all the Bravo programming by the time hes in middle school?

Google can shoot you an alert

Or at least know exactly how to advertise to him haha


Dude you wanna know something crazy?

The Waco Siege happened 20 years ago today.

Just sayin.


Oh but anyway, back to my plan

I figure Ill format it like this

Ill give myself 2 hours a day to write

If I dont write anything within that window, well im fucked lol

I think I finally figured out how to post soundcloud songs

So basically ill try to post a song that fits the mood of the post, ya know?

This way Im basically protecting myself from myself


Ok well enough about me and my bullshit

How the fuck are you?!

Youre good?

Well thats great!

I joined this club, well not joined yet, but Ive attended a few meetings at the organization called Toast Masters. 

Its pretty nuts, but I was thinking like what is the best stall line?

You know just your best go-to line of bullshit, you know, when like you run into one of your wife’s friends, and they are introducing their new boyfriend

Like wtf are you comfortable with?

First of all you gotta size the guy up the way a neighboring silverback judges the alpha from another clan lol

When you know youre going to meet someone, I think you have to try to sink up your vibrations real quick

You cant go into a hand shake after you just got done listening to some Sonny and Cher duet 

Little did you know this mother fucker just got done MMA training


People want to talk shit about the whole game of power and control. Sayings its unnecessary  Im sure those fucks have never extended a relaxed hand and had some mother fucker attempt to fuse your pinky finger and thumb together. 

Youre not getting a blow job after that party from your old lady.

Youll be lucky if she goes home with your limp wristed ass haha


Ok I dont know where the fuck I was going with this

I guess this will be the downside ok writing on the fly

Oh, and one more thing

Ive told myself I wont edit or scroll up

We will see how unbearable that will quickly become


But what I was getting at I think was like, you know when your in the super market and you see one of your facebook friends who you havent said anything to since you asked to borrow a pencil in 6th period of your sophomore year in 2000?

What is the best preloaded bunch of bullshit you say?

Like on my phone if someone calls and I dont want to talk to them, there is this little slide down message thing-a-maj-igger that allows you to deny the call with a fucking text message!!!

There needs to be that option in real life

“Oh shit, Bertha, damn I didnt even recognize you. Howve you been? Good? Youve been good? Thats so good to hear. Well shit dude, great running into you. My kids crying in the car so I gotta get the fuck outta here, but keep fighting the good fight!!”

As I throw my patented “Thumbs-Up” move.

You know, what the fuck is going on here? 

Is it just me or is it awkward as fuck to talk to people in person? haha

I feel like im becoming conditioned to minimize human contact

I feel like a fucking creepo hitting my friends up to hang out

“Hey whats up man? You wanna hang out? No, not work out, just hang out. No im not locked out of my house. No were not fighting.”

Its too hard to be like “Yo bro, I feel like being in the company of another dude who has a drinking problem and also is good at verbalizing their complaints” haha

Fuck, this sucks, only having two lines to jog what youve already written

This is essentially like my real life

My brain is a computer that can no longer scroll up lol

I think thats the main reason why I wanted to start a blog was to record the spirit I had at this age. Im curious to see how it will be looking back on this.

Dude isnt it crazy that dudes name sounds like “Joker”

Ok sorry about that


Ok well its 11 so im just gonna fucking post this bullshit =( 

Well I was searching for a song to put on my blog Sarahs mom came over and we started bullshitting about the bible and now its nearly noon haha

We were talking about how shitty our memories are

And where could I bury all my books so some future generation can have access to knowledge…

Wouldnt it be some shit if like we are all on like 200 year cycles of growth before we are harvested…

Right when we are going to have just enough information to fight off the aliens,

They swoop down and neatly plastic zip tie us to our neighbors and ship us out as food

The few running the shit are like “alright, lets start-a-new at, fuck, we’ll call it 1800 AD. Does that sound right??? Well take down the internet completely. We will let them think they are building their own revolution.”

His fat fuck alien buddy is like “Eher Eher (Thats his laughter) We got all our own guys ready to assume their former roles”

You see Jay-Z soulish body hanging out in the corner

They just bus in a new load of seedlings. “Fuck it, we will tell them the pyramids were man made, well sell the shit out of all this useless material we got polluting the shit out of this planet, and well make out like fucking thieves in the night.”

How fucking awesome would that be to realize you are in a fishbowl you know?

Its like those 38 seconds right before you wake up and you know you are in a dream. Youre just running around rubbing your dick on everything, am I right?

So how is this any different?

Well first of all its different because its is my stupid fucking made up high thought…

This is how people get in trouble…

They listen to some stoned blogger and start whackin off on their mailbox because this reality is an illusion


Its noon:05 

I g2g

6 thoughts on “Title Opt-Out

  1. lol okay you’re a nut, but i dig random. i did also want to comment on this feeling of being disconnected from people. i’ve been having these talks with another blogger about that very thing. with the advent of technology, etc., people do seem to be less connected and it’s a shame. its probably why people are a lot less sensitive to others’ feelings etc., because why worry about it? it’s just a computer – well no actually it’s not. i know im unplugging some from facebook because it seems counterintuitive to be on a social media site if no one’s being social with me haha. anyway – thanks for sharing your thoughts – disorganized and all! they’re fun. 🙂

    • exactly! I was listening to this fella give this talk about how do we monitor the situations we will inevitably encounter in the future. Like there will come a time when your morals come into question when youre dealing with some brand new apple iMaid, you know? Like yeah if your rooms not clean you could punch your robot in the face, but now weve bread this person who finds it acceptable to physically assault something. We are sending him out to work next to your cubicle. Like there has to be some balance even with tech advances. The disconnect is def. not good lol

  2. lol, random thoughts, not connected for the most part but pretty entertaining! Took me back like 10 years in time… i used to post poems on a website, then a few years later i checked them out after not seeing them for a while, it was pretty weird. like wow, that used to be me??

    anyway, interesting post man…

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