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its official

I had the best moment of my life!!
I kinda had to remind myself that it was, in fact, the best day of my life

It was a pretty surreal moment being in it

 

I was just thinking about it too

like the people that like go on roller coasters and cheat on people

youve literally tossed your fate to chance

and your payoff is hinging on a moment

and even though youve crunched the numbers

and you know for a fact that there is a slight chance that one of the bolts a depression-era carney hand-ratcheted may fall out

or that your wife may cross paths with your mistress while shes interviewing babysitters

you just never know

 

but you do KNOW that its not a sure thing

but fuck it

its like roulette

 

some will risk everything

the rent

the home

the family

all just to let it ride

and the payoff is never good to begin with anyway

 

what you risk your LIFE for half a second of a roller coaster

or you risk everything youve built with the one you love cause some fat waitress says your green eyes are a really nice shade of grey

 

well anyway

thats the feeling that was in the pit of my stomach

I had the confidence of that guy in dear hunter who only partially blew off his head

like the next time he was out at the yearly block parties pick up russian roulette game

i was in that mindset

like holy shit if I fuck up one more time thats a fucking wrap!!

 

but like I was destined to do

I rose to the occasion

and bam!

 

WERE HAVING A BOY

I DID IT!!!!

My cousins husband is wrong

I do have what it takes to create a boy!!!

 

My wife was like “Do you want to go to BJs and get some pizza?”

im like “fuck that! did you find a money tree or something?!”

“to celebrate??? cmon! to celebrate the news of our boy?!”

I had to remind myself that this WAS the greatest point in my life.

 

I mean, what father doesnt want to pass on his genes?

I feel like im that male spider that is one-and-done

like Im finally ready to be fatally bitten in the neck haha

 

So yeah

I was like shittin bricks in the waiting room

when we walked in there was this whole family so full of life

and like 15 minutes later they are sulking out while the mom is waving a little pink flag

 

I remember when we had my daughter

I was telling the nurse “ah man, I cant wait til I have a boy. I mean, Im pretty sure this is a boy. I actually had a dream last-”

“OH LOOKY THERE! LOOK AT THOSE HAMBURGER BUNS! ITS A GIRL!”

 

Like fuck lady, at least let me finish my vision

so this time I was like pale, biting my nails

this time the girl was like “did you guys have any preference?”

“BOY!” I shouted at her like she was manning the lever on the gender assignment machine

 

within seconds they got the sonogram or whatevers its called on the big screen tv in the room

Im staring at the screen like its challenger explosion footage

like one eyebrow is trying to shield my right eye

and my left eye is only half peeking

and then I hear the joy in this girls voices

shes like ‘well ill be darned!”

 

im like “IS THAT A WEINER?!”

Im jumping up and down like a bible belt tourist who just won a new table on the Price is Right

shes like “and wow, he isnt shy!”

 

im like “IS THAT HIS WEINER?!?!”

shes like “yes sir, there it is!”

 

It wasnt until we were in the car and my wife was showing me the the pictures they gave us that I realized the whole time what I thought was his weiner was actually like his leg hahaha

 

So i mean yeah, the greatest day of my life

the greatest moment in my life

a part of me didnt even want to go with my wife

I just wanted her to text me the results because I didnt think I could bear the pressure

but I lived in it

and it was worth it

 

I mean, in a mans life, what moment is better than finding out you are going to be able to introduce your version of what another man should be like?

fucking crazy huh

time to start saving up for a fancy trade school =)

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13 thoughts on “The Best Day soo far

  1. Congratulations! Having my daughter gave me the most purpose and exhilaration in my life that I’ve ever had! Children are a blessing, only we don’t know it until we actually have one. And it DOES give you a purpose beyond what one could ever have otherwise — so, yeah, save up for that trade school – lol! 🙂 Congrats, again! 😀

  2. Totally awesome post, laughed my head off, very good. Well, I am a Mom of two boys and I always wanted boys, total relief when I found out, so I’m with you on that one 🙂 Thanks for stopping by my blog and liking Winter Beach. And congrats !

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