arg, I knew it was going to happen but its still a sad day
well it actually was yesterday but…
The Reds assigned Billy Hamilton to the minors
His hammy was bugging him and he is trying to learn CF
We went and saw him when he came through Modesto last year
and he was such a nice guy
even gave my daughter an autographed ball
Ill let you in on my tactic to getting autographs from minor league guys

You ready?

I just grab my daughter, hold her up, and tell her to shout the name of whomever is the highest rated prospect…


[this is in Anaheim when we were stalking Mike Trout. My daughter and wife look Asian for some reason. Oh, and ignore my mullet lol Also I took like 3 of these THC Jolly Ranchers that day and I am incredibly high! I was trippin cause I never saw so many people with flip flops on at a baseball game.]

so they are chucking around the ball warming up
and im like a fucking school girl
I run up as close as possible and get creepily close to these poor young 18-21 year old kids
and I see number 4
Bam! There he is!
Im like ‘Lincoln, yell BILLY as loud as you can”
my daughter has the sweetest little voice
so shes like BILLBLY! or some fucked up version of what I wanted her to say

this guys probably like ‘im in fucking Modesto. I hope I dont get killed’
and then deep from the clouds comes a sweet little girls voice calling his name
I mean, youd really have to be a asshole to ignore that
at that point hes basically trapped lol

nah, but he was super cool
he went out of his way and ran my daughter over the ball he was warming up with
My voice is all crackling
I was like ‘uh can you sign it please Mr. Hamilton?’
Anyway, the badass went on to shatter the record for stolen bases in a season!
I gotta think we were good luck
But that same trick has gotten me many autographs over the years

Buster Posey
Gary Brown
Zach Wheeler
Cory Spangenberg
Rymer Liriano
Tyler Skaggs
Trevor Bauer
Andrelton Simmons
Angel Villalona (Who later killed a guy)
Jedd Gyorko
Drew Pomeranz
Jake Odorizzi
Adam Eaton
Yoenis Cespedes

The only real asshole Ive ever ran into was Manny Ramirez when he was playing for the Sacramento Rivercats.
I go wait right by the dugout, like RIGHT in front
and im waiting for the game to end
cause hes standing like 3 feet away from me
but what the fuck am I going to do, ask for an autograph during the game

So hes just playing grabass in the dugout
everyones in aww and just mentally sucking his dick
but im like fuck it
hes one of the best to play the game
ill play along
so im trying to make eye contact when I can
you know, share in his spirit
he hits some guy in the nuts and im trying to visibly laugh so he knows that im with him
and when the games over he can just reach over the two foot high mesh wall
take my sharpie
and scribble some bullshit on my ball
does it happen like that?
fuck no

So bam, the final pitch. I jump up and im like Manny! Manny!
Like never in my like would I picture myself being a 28 year old, FULL GROWN ASS MAN, yelling ‘Manny’ to some 42 year old Dominican
But there I was

Whats he do?
He reaches right over me and picks this fucking 8 year old up
and at this point I feel like that is an assault against me
but im like, ‘whatever’ biting my tongue, fucking grinding my teeth

So he has the kid and hes like trying to fumble with his phone to take a picture
and you can tell he just wants to get the fuck out of there
like if he knew this little fucking 8 year old had a piece of technology that he no doubt could not comprehend, he wouldnt have even looked the kids way

so right away I can see the regret in his face
and by now a small crowd has gathered
precious seconds of his day are ticking away
finally he GRABS the phone from the kid and shoves it at me
like wtf am I? some dickhead that just snaps random pictures of other people living out MY fucking dream?!
You know how bad I wanted to BE that kid?! haha jk

So I pick this phone up like im solving a rubix cube
I quickly navigate to the camera app
Badda-Bing! Badda-Bom!
::Picture Snapped::

You want to know what happens next?


Fuck it. Fuck him.


omg when I was in high school I used to love this Chicago band called The Lawrence Arms
and one time I wrote the guitarist a letter on myspace
a real long fucking letter too
it was like, ‘your music helped me out in some shitty times in my life. i know your not supposed to try to write your idols because you will just end up disappointed, but what you do man, it moves me!’
or something real stupid like that

But he wrote me back
Hes like ‘uh, no one has ever written me anything like this before’ and he actually wrote me a really long letter back. He said he totally understood how its a bad idea to contact people you look up too.

Then I wrote him back some bullshit and he never wrote me again.
Fuck that guy

hahaha jk

later on in life I decided to show my devotion to this punk rock band and get a tattoo of one of their album doodles.
Well its just a hourglass with wings on it.
haha I actually had a very bad habit of getting bands I really loved at the times stupid bullshit on my body.
I got the modest mouse air-balloon/anchor
And also a the whole inside of this band called Bandits of the Acoustic Revolution CD Jacket haha

im watching Adaptation right now.
Its funny there is a scene in there where Susie is trying to have John maintain a certain tone while she makes a different tone, so they can together form a ‘dial tone’.
Fucking binaural beats!
Thats what I listen to in my earphones when im writing
when you put your headphones on you get one vibration in one ear, and another in the other ear
I enjoy Alpha waves
Just go on youtube and type in Binaural Beats and your whole world will change!!!

Ill try to post a video here…

soooooo, did you dig it?

The one universal truth we all fail to realize is we are all one
Fuck, especially me
Im harboring so much resentment for a select few people in my life
the people I have villianized
and manifested them to fill to role of the bad guy in my reality
but its just that
a manifestation my ego created

We exist in everything and everything exists in us
the best and the worst man on this earth are still both human right?
shouldnt we shoulder the blame for the MODIFICATION that has happened to this “BAD” person?
We are the ones who failed him
We are the ones who dropped the ball by alienating and casting down judgement and hate
Why do we do this?
Why dont we embrace the less fortunate with open and loving hands, so that they dont give way to the self
And if they do, shouldnt we take pity and on them and attempt to rehabilitate them
Rather than cast judgement on them.

The reason why I had to start a blog was to keep from becoming a raving lunatic on some social media sites!
It was getting out of control
I follow some Central Valley news site, and every time that they post a story, it would be like “19 year old single mother on welfare caught stealing a car”
and instantly you would just get THAWP! A fucking wave of comments like…
‘one less dirty criminal on the streets’
‘lock the bitch up and throw away the key!’
‘what do you know? someone on welfare stealing? figures’

Just fucking streams of negativity.
And its not like, oh 1 out of every 3 commenter’s came to the help of this poor girl, its like 200 comments of these dick heads just stroking each other off
Like they get excited about the prospect of instantly sitting in judgement

No ones like ‘Oh my God that is such a tragic situation. Is there a fund we can set up to help this poor girl when she gets out, you know, for the sake of our FUCKING COMMUNITY?! For the sake of humankind?! Maybe we should see this as a cry for help, and since it seems like there are about 200 over-privileged assholes here, how about we all pitch in like a hundo, and when this girl gets out of the trouble shes got herself into, we can all do the right thing and offer this girl the guidance she SOO clearly needs. THEN she can be able to represent our community. She IS our community.’

Ever heard that saying ‘it takes a village’

Do you get it?
No ones even like ‘poor girl’
Theyre like ‘burn in hell c-word!!’

I know everyones illusion is so deeply tied to nationalism but its all bullshit.

I asked my friend the other day, like man, if you could go up to God, and out of all the scenarios, like, what would YOU want to be put on this earth to accomplish in, like, your optimal existence?

Shes like ‘uhhh, idk, id like to travel, see the world’

you’re sitting there face to face with God itself. you’ve basically hit the lottery and you can choose to be any major player in all of history.
you could be like, I want to be an incarnation of the Christ consciousness
Or… I want to be Mother Theresa 2.0
Or some Richard Branson type tycoon that just gives it all away

What do you fucking choose

The MOST self serving existence possible
YOU want to fucking travel
what kind of fucking EGO is on you dog?

its funny cause last year when the lottery was at like 250 million
and my wife is buying lotto tickets every chance she gets
basically already writing out on a notepad how shes going to spend her millions
and im sitting there thinking

‘would I rather either
A) win the lottery and give 99.5% of it away, maybe stash away a mil for housing and college funds for my kids
B) not win the lotto at all.’

At that time I think it would have been IMPOSSIBLE for me to GIVE
I was too deep in the game
And understood little about the mirage that is money

I had the soul of a survivor
who understood the concepts of stashing from others, and self importance

wouldnt you rather live the life of a man who changed the lives of millions?
who washed the feet of the poorest humans on the earth
and through some act of God, you are able to act as a vessel of altruism

rather than the curse of a man who will probably never realize his true destiny?
who will only build his ego

wouldnt you rather live in a world where you are beloved by everyone
and you are just fucking loving on everyone you see
fucking smiling and winking at everyone at bowling alley

or would you want to live in fear that people are only using your for your money
bitch you are in a game! its monopoly
and just because in your destiny, you were to be tempted, you are still you
you deserve the love of everyone
you deserve to be able to love everyone

money is just like anything else, moderation
whats that saying in the bible
hold on let me google it
ok here it is

I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Matthew 19:23-26

A man would never give away his wealth
It is only through God that this feat of suppressing the ego can manifest in the greater God

Whats the point of being rich when you die?!
Wasted potential.
Wasted love you could have had.

If you had a swimming pool full of fresh water and everyone around you was hacking up blood because their mouths are so dry
would you be brave enough to live on this earth and not help out your fellow man

Would you live inside a home with your family and keep food from them if they were starving?
It doesnt make sense.
We are all Gods creation right?


I think Ive changed though lol
who knows though, maybe id want that fucking nice ass panty dropper car
id give it away =)

You know how I was saying we are all just powercubes
we are all PARASITES on this earth
The earth is very much alive
As are all the planets
As is the sun

Did you know that EVEN the Sun has an orbit
our whole universe is flying through space
its not like the fucking shitty shoebox diagram you made in 3rd grade

Its funny, when I used to watch movies I would critique them
And it was hard for me to find a movie that would live up to my standards
But its all the same story
The story that exists within all of us
Its the conflict of free will
or when Melchizedek says in the Alchemist that all books are about the same thing ‘peoples inability to choose their own personal legend.’

We are just guests of the earth

I was thinking, its not funny at all, but its ironic I guess
Cancer is feared by all
But we cant step outside of our power cube and see that WE ARE our fears

We fear the things we understand
We know this fear because its already within us

Cancer is when some smaller parasite is inhabiting a life body, and at some point the cancer decides to serve its own best interest and eat the body that gives it life, thus destroying itself and the body.

We fear GETTING cancer, but we dont fear BEING cancer

We are so used to seeing our lives through human eyes
Do we try to see how the moon relates to the earth?
What our sun sees? What our universe sees?
What our houseplants see?

What do the THOUSANDS of parasites that live on US think?
The parasites that live on our EYEBALLS, BLOOD, SKIN, DIGESTIVE SYSTEM

When the bible says your body is a temple, it means it
YOU are the EARTH just on a different scale

When its said that everybody is created equal, it doesnt mean that were all going to be born into a family with the same exact credit score and social status
Its means
We all have human bodies
and we are all part of the human consciousness

Even if we are born with no eyes, no arms, no legs
or whatever can be thrown at someone
we still have are part of the consciousness that is capable of transforming like the rock that turns to crystal

we dont have to apologize for anyone
we dont have to even cast judgement on anyone because EVERYONE is on their own journey
God is asking each individual person a question (presumably based on your souls journey)
Can they guy who murdered innocent people not be saved?
The one thing we dont realize is that we are all one and ANY one of us is capable of anything.
Maybe incarceration can be best thing for someone
Maybe they realize this human body cannot offer them salvation
But it is not in our egos best interest to even concern ourselves with the time it takes for someone to be alerted to the questions they are being asked by God.
All we can do is love

Hellllllllla hard, but really, what other option is there?
I mean really? What am I going to do?
Throw myself on the mercy of the system?
Buy a house and make a commitment to live somewhere for 30 years
Buy a nice car cause the happy family on the commercial has one
Buy some nice clothes so I can impress people I dont know
Try to buy things that can showcase my social status.
Thats not for me man

Why be part of an illusion
When you can start something real?

Like im at the doctors office the other day and for some reason I have to fill out a form.
Im just there for moral support but whatever
and there is the questionnaire that asks why im here
and it has all these categories like STDs, Pregnancy, some crisis or another. But at the bottom it said Spirituality

And or course, im hella high at the time
So I turn it in, im waiting
This dude comes in and was like ‘Michael?’
And by now im like playing blocks with my daughter on the floor
he goes ‘you want to talk?’
fuck it, whats the worst that could happen

So we go back to his office and hes asking me whats going on
I just say ‘idk man, i just feel lost, i feel hopeless. I feel like I was supposed to have a realized path by now, and im just flailing. My biggest concern is being a great parent, of course, just like every dickhead says, but im terrified at failing.’

You know this fucking guy says?
First of all he looks like Marissa’s dad on the OC. And hes like ‘Well, lemme tell you what my dad taught me…’
A long pause as he adjusts himself in his chair. Then his eyes find mine and he stares directly at me and goes.

‘Ward Cleaver’

im like ‘uhh…. huh?’

‘Ward Cleaver! You know Leave it to Beaver? Ward man! My Dad raised me based exactly on how he thought Ward would handle a situation.

At this point I just want to punch myself in the face and leave.


Like really this fucking idiot cant grasp that the fucking show LEAVE IT TO BEAVER is NOT REAL!

Im watching fucking Battleship THE MOVIE the other day and Riggins from Friday Night Lights is having an extreme neurotic mental break down over how he should ask his Captain for his daughters hand in marriage.
The writing is so transparent.
Riggins wouldnt give a fuck.
Its the insecure writer thats making this puppet dance.

It blows my fucking mind the places people choose to find their inspiration
Like these dickhead dads will burn a Sunday watching football
But they cant muster up the interest in their own kids lives

Why do we find these NFL stories captivating? Hmm IDK cause we FORCE ourselves too. We flip on ESPN in the morning and somehow our subconscious picks up that theres some BIG TIME bad blood between team A and team B.
You can find all the same story lines in high school football.
You can find hero’s that are accessible to you and your family
You can even help these kids realize their potential and provide them with love and support
You cant do that with the NFL

Its just levels
We are all levels
Were mid way up the totem pole thinking we are the HEART
and then when we get to the top, we discount the heart, and say we are the BRAIN

You choose your reality
You can make a conscious decision RIGHT NOW
for this VERY MOMENT
to be the HAPPIEST moment of your life
THAT is your free will

Every decision you make, you are choosing a side of the pole. Self interest vs. Altruism.
There is only one way to be happy.
Altruism my friends =)

5 thoughts on “Billy Hamilton, Binarual Beats and Ward Cleaver

  1. Obviously I am enjoying reading everything you’ve written and avoiding less interesting tasks. What if it’s not altruism vs. selfishness, but balancing both? –Aggie

    • I just read a blog where the person had a quote of Mark 10:45 (PS I feel like such a douche quoting bible scriptures since I was an atheist for like the past 10 years lol) But the scripture says

      “For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many”

      I think if we are to realize our potential than the ego must be lost. With the loss of the ego you will no longer have the desire to service yourself in the ways you thought you had to. The illusion you bought into is dictating that we need to service the self, when in fact, if you believe in the ancient teachings, selfishness IS satan. Man is the beast.
      Ive begun to take on the idea that this earthly incarnation is just what theyve been telling us it is… An opportunity to pass from the 3rd dimension to the 4th dimension, thus continuing our souls maturation =)

      Hopefully this makes sense ::Hella High:: lol

  2. I grew up a good Methodist girl, then turned agnostic for 10 or 15 years, so I gotcha. Got back into it in my late 20s, and ended up becoming “spiritual but not religious.” 😉 … It has gotten deep! Let me see if I can write clearly…

    I agree that greed is the world’s biggest problem, and unselfishness is so needed. I’m going to throw out a guess, and say that it’s like the Bell curve for intelligence. There are a minority at the right end, who are very greedy. There is the big majority in the middle, who are neither greedy nor unselfish, but who are followers. Then there is the minority at the left end, who are unselfish. By your writing, you identify yourself as part of this group.

    So, how can the unselfish person best assist the evolution of the earth’s people? Here’s a saying of Jesus, and I am too lazy to find the chapter and verse: “The poor will be with you always.” Spoken when Judas was criticizing him for letting Mary waste expensive oil on his feet. I think what I am trying to say is that “love your neighbor as yourself” means loving yourself as much as it means loving others. So, if you give your whole self away in unselfishness, you might not have what you need to carry out your soul’s mission.

    I think that ego is something we very much need. We need it to help us through the process of finding God/Self/whatever-you-choose-to-call-it. Then we need it in order to stay here and help. What can we do without an ego?

    Thanks for the dialog!

    • thats a good point. I guess the ego that im referring to is not the pull to accomplish but the pull to serve. I think it has a lot to do with your “lifepath” or “soul urge”. I think we all have something different to work out in this lifetime that potentially will enable the growth of our soul. Maybe you were a coward in a past life, and your main goal in this incarnation is to find courage. I dont think that there is one goal that everyone should stick to. And I get what you are saying… like ive had that thought run through my head. Like if I keep giving people in the park water, sure its helping them, but am I doing EVERYTHING that I can to make a difference? Maybe I could do much better on a larger scale if I held a title in my local government. Would it then be a selfish act going to college and do all the things required of me to help as many people as possible? I wouldnt have to stop handing out waters, I would just be following my destiny. Now im not saying if your some music major that youre dropping the ball, im just saying hopefully you realize early in your life what you want to work out in your incarnation. I guess I personally want to help as many people as I can.

      There will always be just as many selfish people as there will be unselfish people. As many “good” as “bad”. Everything I do has a counter balance. Does that mean I shouldnt do help cause theoretically my choice to do good will manifest in someone else to be more wrapped up in the self? Well thats where my free will comes in. I can choose for myself.

      And its not based on what is socially acceptable. Its the idea that life is better when you can maintain your beliefs and at the same time help others. You will never find the joy of giving someone your last dollar in having a half mil in the bank sitting there waiting for you. Its an illusion.

      It would be like if someone asked you some crazy hypothetical question, like, ‘if you had a million bucks would you help people?’
      and if you go ‘fuck helping, I would buy the best guns, i would go door to door, start jacking fools for their money!’

      Technically youve done nothing wrong. Its just a hypothetical question. But you zoned out. You got so DEEP within your ILLUSION that part of you was exposed as lets just say “a potential target area for growth”

      It would be almost impossible to lead a healthy life with that mentality right? whoa I wrote this while i was high and forgot to hit reply… now im reading it sober lol… nuts

      But basically you will always have moral conundrums like ‘do I leave my wife and kids who Ive promised I would protect in order to fight a battle that I believe is in their best interest?’ Not every ‘yes’ will be a concrete, but you must follow that part of you that yearns to return to the light, ya know?

      Thats one of the questions in the Alchemist. They tell the story of Narcicus or however you spell his name, and they kind of hint at the question is it narcisistic to follow your personal legend? Fuck yeah it can be. You just have to be passionate about being as Christlike as you can.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s