So I’m banging the bejesus out of my wife the other day for like 3 and a half rotations of Carrie Underwoods Blown Away
You know, a nice little bed of music about the ins and outs of daddy issues
what is that like half an hour?
Anyway, I had a realization
Ive been so desensitized that sex is fucking boring
well has been in the past
its gotta be something in the water right?
well anyway since ive been eating healthy and meditating and its been alot more enjoyable
you know, being able to be in the moment
and take everything in, and not have some stupid unrealistic bullshit fantasy running through my head that will never happen
just to be able to step back and be like ‘holy shit my wife is hella hot and this is CRAZY!’
I know it sounds stupid but I realized that im pretty fucking lucky to have my wife haha
ok well im going to get a switch topics because I dont feel that I should be commenting on this subject
its like when some weekend warrior fisherman starts talking the sport with a sponsored fishing pro with a comped boat…
im out of my element!!
I barely know what im doing NOW for goodness sakes!!
Anyway I watched this documentary on Samson and Delilah
Its funny that is one of the stories in the bible that I would constantly argue about
It was a crutch in a way because who is brave enough to argue FOR the Samson stories
In one part in the bible he kills I think 1000 people with the jawbone of an ass!!
first of all, that seems highly IMPROBABLE
BUT I guess if it did happen you would definitely want to write about it
The story of Samson goes kind of like this
(if memory serves correctly and remember i was extremely stoned watching this)
Samson was born unto two parents, who were kind of shitty carefree parents
He was sent by God himself to free the Israelites from the Philistines who were ruling at the time
Samson was an Israeli fucking GIANT
He belonged to this military sect, the Nazarites, that has the strongest guys in the world
Apparently their secret is… they get their power from their hair!!
(and my wife wonders why I refuse to get a haircut)
And Samson isnt the smartest guy in the world, far from it, according to this doc
But hes like ‘fuck these Jewish girls, have you seen the tits on those Philistines?!’
so he makes the trek to Timnah where he falls in love with a philistine girl.
during that time he gets married to her…
and this big dumb oaf giant is like totally out of his element…
hes the only Jew at this big wedding reception
at the time, like the ps3 of entertainment was these stupid fucking riddles
anyway on the way to his wedding he killed a lion
and he was the only one who knew he killed a lion
but back to the wedding
so all these elitist assholes are telling these little riddles and Samson is drinking now…
hes letting his guard down
hes getting tipsy, dancing with the bridesmaids, being an asshole
so Samson gets a little bold and hes like ‘have i got a fucking riddle for you?! whats is huge and just got fucking ROLLED up by your boy SAMSON here?!’
(actually it had to do with, upon his return to back to where he ripped the lion in two, there was a shit load of bees in the carcass of the lion. Samson reaches his hand inside the Lion and pulled out a bunch of honey…
the riddle goes like “Out of the eater, something to eat; out of the strong, something sweet”
no one knows he killed a lion, but he promises whoever can solve this riddle will get 2 very expensive garments… well wikipedia says 30 garments so idk whos right lol probably not me, remember, very stoned)
well his brand new fucking wife is a bit of an a-hole
and she keeps harassing him like ‘tell me the riddle you big fucking waste of space!’
so he finally gives in and is like ‘a lion! A FUCKING LION! now leave me the fuck alone!’
well she goes and runs to the philistines and is like, listen guys, i know the answer to the riddle, its a fucking LION! so lets all form a line where we tell him the answer and collect our robes…
Samson is pretty pissed that he lost his own challenge, so he takes off down the road to brutally DESTROY like 30 dudes and jacks them for their clothes so he can repay his debt… well upon returning his father in law is like ‘fuck off GIANT, you big peice of shit, my daughter doesnt even like you! in fact, i gave her to the best man at your wedding already!’
So Samson loses his mind.
He ties a bunch of torches on the back of foxes… (quite a laborious task for a Giant) and sets them free. He basically burns down all the Philistines crops. Needless to say, they are PRETTY pissed off. I guess they burned his ex wife and ex father in law at the stake.
Some other bullshit happens, but eventually he returns home. While he is home, Israel makes him a “Judge”. Its basically like being a king. You can do whatever the fuck you want.
But he still cant get that philistine pussy out of his head… Samson is hiding in a fucking cave now! The philistines send 3000 guys to return him. They tie him up, but Sammy is like fuck this, ill break free bitch! He does and kills 1000 dudes with the jawbone of an ass!!! 1000… I think the bible says 100 rows of ten guys. Thats just 100 waves of 10 dudes at a time just jumping on your giant ass…
Anyway Delilah is commissioned by the Philistines to find out the source of the strength of Samson. Now either this girl can be looked at as an undercover cop who went so deep undercover into the belly of the beast. She was just doing her job as a philly, helping out the cause. Orrrrrr, she could be like the worst person ever…
Samson and D start hooking up and she keeps pestering him, ‘babe, whats up with all the STRENGTH? I mean, where do you get it from, you big sexy, handsome, kind of gross giant?’
He knows whats up… hes like ‘tie me up, thats all you gotta do’. hes just testing the bitch and she fails. He wakes up tied to the bed with a bunch of Philistines around him. SNAP! You cant hold Samson down with fucking strips of leather!!
So she betrays him, but Samson dont give a fack. According to wikipedia, Samson had two weaknesses 1) his hair 2) his questionable choice in unsavory women. Samson has been betrayed by so many Phillies already but he doesnt flinch. This is where I relate to Samson, I just cant get some very basic things through my big dumb head, like the concept that ‘sometimes people may be after their own best interests and not yours.’ But hes like me, he thinks its funny that this dumb bitch is in a control struggle. He laughs it off. ‘You think youre going to defeat me?! Psh… go make me a Lion Honey SANDWICH!!!!
So anyway, flash forward a while. Samsons like chillin inside this Palace. He should be happy. He was sent BY GOD to deliver his people from the Philistine rule. In time, In time. Meanwhile Delilahs voice is just grading on him day after day, pounding his already dumb brain into mooch.
‘Samson, if you REALLY loved me, youd tell me how I can DEFEAT YOU and RUIN your life’
‘why the fuck would I do that?’
‘Its called opening up. have you heard of a little thing called LOVE Einstein?! Vulnerability!’
‘huh? are you kidding me? I shouldnt even have let you take out that insurance policy on my head in the first place! Now you want to know how to PYSICALLY destory me? GTFOH.’
‘WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You never loved me in the first place! Psh, you dont even know what just went down here! You have no clue! You see this Philly puss?! GONE! Not for you anymore buster! Why dont you go fight in the fucking war so I can be left alone with Phillip the pool tender!’
‘Phillip?! Youre telling me youre with that little whispy nambly peg! (Idk if thats a real insult) ::GIANT ROAR:: FINE! YOU WIN! ITS MY FUCKING HAIR! Do a once over on me with a bic and im useless! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?! Now PLEASE! LET! ME! GET! SOME! FUCKING! SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!’
Smash-cut to 38 minutes later, Samsons getting his eyes gouged out in the town square.
Now in the bible, up until he takes down those huge pillars hes famous for, he is banished to “GRIND” something, idk corn or something. But in this doc they hypothesize that Samson was “GRINDING” in a completely different way.
Supposedly he provided the genetics to help create the would be Goliath. Of GOLIATH fame.
Now if there is one thing that has really piqued my interest lately, its def. Giants. First of all my favorite baseball team is the Giants. Well the Giants and the A’s. And really I like all baseball. I follow more minor league baseball. In fact thats why I moved to Lake Elsinore so that I could be by a High-A team. I like the Diamondbacks, the Astros, the Blue Jays, the Marlins, the Pirates for sure, the Nationals, the Padres of course… just to name a few… When I was growing up I was an A’s fan only, then once I started playing fantasy baseball like 8 years ago, I started just following all baseball.
Since then Ive followed most of all the Cal league teams. Ive tried to meet all of the top prospects that come through CA. I met Buster Posey a few times when he was in A Ball and got an autograph. But anyway! Giants are the team I follow the most.
So Giants are basically the reason why I opened the bible again. I remembered reading Genesis along time ago and hearing about the Nephilim. And since then its been something that Ive become very aware of.
Just like the myths and shit. There is a reason that the myth of the Giant has survived. Weather it is the Fallen Angels that they speak about in the bible, or some characters from Prometheus flying around on UFOs, there is this idea of Giants that is still very much around still.
So that is why I took my brother to go see Jack the Giant Slayer. I knew it was going to be a piece of shit, but I knew that I would be able to peel back the shitty CGI and focus on what the story was trying to convey.
My brother and I were def. on a different level during the time of viewing.
It is funny, there is so much symbology in that movie.
I found it funny that the story has always been about a plant elevating you to a world in which giants exist. You know, the “bean stock”?
Oh and they were hella shitty on religion in that movie. The way Jack gets the beans is from a monk who “stole” them. He gets killed. Then later in the movie they sacrifice another flock of monks.
But anyway, its the story of a girl, who’s name begins with an I, like Isis, Idk, I think her name was Isabella or something. And then the Jesus character, of course named “Jack”. Its funny because I was just reading something about how in that other dudes movie, Warm Bodies, his character is named R for Romeo and the girl has a name with a J in it to symbolize the Shakespeare play. And who do you think was cast as the prince? Let me give you a hint, hes the John Wilkes Booth of our day. Hes the fucking prince in every movie. I dont even know his name but hes in Star Wars and Big Fish. Hold on let me IMDB him. EWAN MCGREGOR! That mother fucker.
But somehow the bean stalk explodes under Jacks house while the princess happens to be there, taking her all the way up to the magical land of Giants.
they form a squad to rescue her, led by the evil king.
Somehow the giants remained dormant until this magical BEAN opened this new realm.
But now that the princess opened the gate they are able to come down to earth.
Well they dont do that, they appear to be civilized. They have hunters/gatherers/cooks/religious customs… they are doing PRETTY good for themselves in fact.
So Eve was created by God. And perhaps this God used Fallen Angels/Giants/Nephilim as a vessel to help with this creation, but whatever the case, they had to use the pre-existing DNA of Adam, and it was one of the only bones that a man could live without and not be terribly burdened. If God would have choose the femur, Adam would have been PISSED.
So this girl Isis, or whatever her name is, is up alone with the Giants. However in this movie, shortly after the king and his men climb the beanstalk nearly to the top before the king decides to cut his own men loose.
There is a lot of symbolism in the characters as well. The evil king is a little Jewish man it appears. The prince is Ewan. Both kids brown hair and brown eyes. Oh and you better believe Jack is the only one in the movie to ride the illustrious WHITE PONY!
But in the end, the Giants weren’t bad, it was the man who was to use them as pawns in his quest for world domination that proved to be the evil one.
And you know the movie had to close with the incarnation of the old king in a modern day museum with a smirk on his face. Like wtf is that supposed to mean?! why was that in the movie??
But I digress
Whoa there is some crazy shit im learning about Samson. See, I never even thought that this fucking beast WOULD be a giant, but after reading all the stories, that appears to be a certainty right?
The word Samson is derived from the Hebrew word “shemesh”. According to wikipedia that means The Sun.
According to the Talmud Samsons shoulders were 60 cubits wide
Job 31:10 seems to imply that the word “grind” means to “fuuuuuuuuuck”
^^^^^that is the website, but it says that….
“Our Rabbis have taught: Five were created after the likeness of Him Who is above, and all of them incurred punishment on account of [the feature which distinguished] them: Samson in his strength, Saul in his neck,19 Absalom in his hair,20 Zedekiah in his eyes, and Asa in his feet.”
Anyway, its fucking crazy that the IDEA of Giants has been around for so long. The book of Enoch is all about Giants. There are Giants in the Genesis. David kills a Giant. Fuck there are even museums in Reno with Giant remains from NEVADA!!
IDK maybe im reading too much into all this…
whoa I just put my ipad on my computer and I guess its telling me that it wants to go to sleep because they just spelled out a string of Zs lol lame.
Oh so before I forget let me tell you about this GREAT app for the IPad. Its called Scribd. It basically lets you download and view a shit ton of books and essays.
But there is a book on there, well not really a book, a 14 page pamphlet called ‘edgar cayce on the book of revelation’
in this book it has all of the incarnations of Jesus Christ
The first being Amilius, the Christ soul just without a human body
The second was of course Adam. He had the Christ soul and human form
The third was Enoch who would later be called back to heaven at age 365 and would be turned into the angel Metatron
The fourth was Hermes, also known as Thoth. He built the pyramids and is responsible for Hermetic tradition
The fifth was Melchizedek, the king of Salem (so I just got done reading the Alchemist and Melchizedek is in there!)
The sixth was Joseph who became the Prince of Egypt
The seventh was Joshua who led the Israelites into the Promised Land
The eighth was Asaph who was some musical director
Ninth was Jeshua who was a high priest and apparently compiled and translated the books of the bible
Tenth we got Zend! I gotta write this one exactly as it appears… “Zend, also spelled “Zen”, “Zan”, “Sen”, or “San” was the father of Zoroaster who wrote the Zend Avesta and founded the religion Zoroastrianism.” (my computer is familiar with all these words, no red squiggly line under Zorogasm?! Really?! Whoa, apparently Zorogasm is a word too!)
and last but not least! My man! Jesus C-C-CHRIST! According to this book, Jesus was a MAN who attained COMPLETE “at-one-ment” as the divine-human unity known as “THE CHRIST”
you really have to read this whole thing, but let me just quote this one part…
“Cayce sometimes used the word “Adam” to also refer to the entire group of souls which had accompanied the Christ soul into incarnating into the earth place and who incarnated as the five races of humanity on five separate continents”
Knowledge like this is like porn to me! Well porn is like porn to me, but this is very stimulating!
Wouldn’t it be crazy if the Adam and Eve we think we know were like some bug eyed lemurs?
Ok well this is the flip side about writing. I write too much and waste my whole day. Its 12:18 already!
I’m so mad that I only have like 24 lifetime views on this piece of shit so im trying to write everyday to improve my numbers lol its not working…
well im sure as hell not “networking” and promoting this POS on a social media site lol
Im going to have to think of better hashtags.
Ill google what the most used hashtags are real quick…
hahaha I googled 100 most used hashtags… ima try them out this time lol
ok i could only use like 20 of them, they are too weird
IGERS?! WTF is igers?!
and you know i had to leave taylorswift lol