It was going to get harder and harder to have the discipline
I just got out of the shower and I told my wife to get in
she said she would later cause she had to do the dishes
I then said ‘ill do them!’ which, had she been able to foresee the future would then understand that that statement was a bit of an exaggeration.
I should have said I will wash enough dishes for my breakfast haha
one of my blogs, “Logos in the Sky with Dyslexia” I would argue my best thus far
has been DELETED
I have no clue why
well i sort of had a clue why
but wtf, no message saying a violation of TOS
has this happened to anyone else?
kinda fucking weird but maybe its the universe protecting me
so it will have to live on in lore
it was the blog though
(this is to my two followers, which are probably bots)
that has the experience of me going to the palm reader (and one other very explicit event)as of right this moment im on a quest to make iced tea
so far i feel like they should have called it boiled tea later on chilled if your new glass container apparently made for low temps only doesnt crack like a windshield first
I signed up for this numerology site the other day and now im getting emails from them. shits pretty weird. Im almost sure its some massive email generated to thousands of people, but I was reading it while I was hella high and for a moment there I felt like Neo. Im like, whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
Ill type out some experts
I should know how to screen shot and upload photos by now huh? Maybe ill make that a priority.
Oh also I had my wife sign up for the site so maybe ill just check if shes gettin the same exact emails lol
but anyway check this crazy shit out…
never mind my wife got the same email haha
soooo, some things i want to do today
call David back
call att about fucking POS Note II
find good organic recipe for tonight’s dinner
(roughly 8 hours later)
that didnt go as planned
i just had an idea!
what about a website where you scan everything you buy into your own personal database
and then the website will recommend meals based on the things you have
and it can be like ‘buy syrup and you will add 38 new recipes’
fucking brilliant right?
almost as smart as my 2-Dollar-a-Visit-Gym
you couldnt afford not to go!
itd quickly grow into the godfathers pizza of gyms… irre-fucking-zist-able! (sp?!)
like fucking GREAT
im not going to say for right now
but im extremely grateful
I wish I had a recorder with me today while my wife drove us around
we pull up to a stop sign on an open one way street
and as we pull up the closest car is like 8 seconds away
and im like “GO!”
And shes like slowly creeping past the stop sign at a 45 degree angle like shes a relay runner about to get handed that little stupid piece of pvc pipe
her eyes get as big as saucers like shes staring into the sun as she just watches waves of cars about 5 car lengths apart just conveyor belt style just cruise past us
its like a slow speed catastrophe
im screaming in her ear
and she has the laser focus of a chess master
but it happens to be in a vessel of a scarred preteen mind
like that mentality of the little leaguers who is like ‘Dont strike out! Dont YOU fucking strike out!’ like hitting himself on the helmet
his dads up in the stands like texting or playing angry birds
and the fucking pressure is just mounting
Hes like ‘cmon dickhead! dads in the fucking stands! dont fuck this one up!’
and then of course with that pressure your bound to fail
so im after every single car passes “Go… Go… Cmon now, are you fucking with me? Go! Ok you definitely could have made it there! look! 1-2-3-4-5-6-… I literally just counted to 6! 6 seconds in between cars! ok- that guys not even in our lane! Fucking go!’
the vein in my forehead is now beet red and pulsating like fire hose
‘was that the strategy? arrive at the stop sign a decade before the first car of the wave even arrives, and then just wait out the 3 minute onslaught of cars? WAS THAT THE FUCKING STRATEGY?!
and then I catch a glimpse of myself in the passenger side mirror of my 90 ford Taurus and I burst into tears of shame
what the fuck happened here
really dude. wtf man
Its kind of hard to self regulate yourself
its like when you start reading a self help book with your old lady and youre all amped, like ‘fuck yeah… were getting healthier! what could go wrong?!’
and 2 chapters in shes like, well it says we should make a weekly anger chart
and by the end of the first week youre like ‘FUCK THIS!’
shes printed 4 pages of iphone note screenshots
and your like winging it
‘idk babe, you were a real bitch Tuesday when I asked you to make me a sandwich when you were washing the dishes’
it doesnt fucking work man
you need to outsource the holy opinion of yourself to someone worthy of casting judgement
but sometimes it doesnt matter
thered still be guys like arguing their sins
some of these sociopaths have conviction!
theyd be like
‘St Peter, cmon! A snot nosed child AGGRESSIVELY fires off 6 to 8 nerf shots-rapid fire and at close range I may add!- RIGHT to the nards-3 direct hits!
You and I BOTH know Jesus wouldnt stand for that
In my mental rolodex I quickly scrolled through acceptable punishments
Francturing the fibula just seemed rightt (?)
Petey? Right? I mean, we both know Im right!’